Breaking Thru

So The Politician is making some changes. He was quite funny being as eccentric as he was, but damn, it was too complicated to keep up with all his little quirks. So I am glad to see some of them go.

1. He is going to wear a costume this year!!!! Score one for mom, because I found a fireman jacket that can be worn over street clothes (did we already talk about this?) so it's kinda a combo between not wearing a costume and wearing one. It has spats that you wear over your regular shoes too so he has assured me that he is cool with that too. Which is great because I've spent a small fortune on costumes over the past few years that have gone unworn because they have a flaw (scratchy tag, etc) that is beyond his ability to deal. Last year he worn a parrot visor to treat or treat at the businesses on campus and there were a few stores who looked like they didn't want to give him any candy because he looked costume-less (yes, he had a regular t and shorts on with the visor). Yeah, I know shopkeepers, I tried.

2. Last night I drug a million things out of his closet and asked him if I could try them on him because I need to weed out out-grown stuff because he is finally growing a little. At 4, he is 32 pounds and absolutely bony. Anyway, he told me that he would possibly agree to wear some track pants this year! ("Yeah, I think I could do that Momma.") Another score for mom, because in years past he has only worn jeans or khaki pants. Crazy kid- track pants rock and you've totally been missing out.

3. He has branched out and is finally eating something other than carbs, peanut butter, and chicken nuggets. I have convinced him to eat tostadas ("It's a big chip with beans and sauce!") and Mr. Sasha found that he will eat a Taco Burger. Surely you are familiar with Taco Burgers, but maybe they are regional? It's a hamburger bun with taco meat and cheese, minus shred for the Sasha family. I was pretty sure he was going to grow feathers because he ate so much chicken, but now we have two more dinner possibilities. Oh, and he ate a hamburger the other night! Now if I could just get him to eat fruit. There was an episode last year where I found myself holding him down on the ground trying to stuff a plum in his mouth, and I just decided that wasn't right.

The Wild Child is opposite, she's pretty much a fruititarian. She'll eat any fruit (and chicken nuggets), but will not eat any beef or veggies of any kind. Everyone is talking about this Deceptively Delicious book, but damn, I don't have time to make those purees. Seriously, where in the hell would I fit that in my schedule? Plus the smell of cauliflower makes me throw up.

So Saturday night I went back to my hometown for a wedding of a family friend, and since I have car-colepsy and have a tendency to fall asleep in the car whether I am a passenger or driving, I just stayed the night with my parents so I didn't have to drive after dark. Kinda nice, although that bed sucks and their new house makes all kind of crazy noises at night. They do have a pet skunk (no, not really a pet) that comes on the back porch at night and eats the crickets, so that's kinda cool. Also, mom made me Pepperidge Farm Apple Turnovers with powdered sugar on Sunday morning, so it was like old times, only I wasn't hung over, so it was even better.

Technical help, please

OK, so I am a little technically challenged sometimes. I have an Ipod, and know how to do two things: upload songs from CDs in my possession, and buy songs from itunes.com.

Now how else can I put songs on there? Specifically, if there is a song I like but can't find on itunes, can I get it another way?

I am loving Katy Perry's Waking Up in Vegas and it would be awesome to run to.

Ashley, do you think Big Kid can give me some help?

Tales From Running

So it's absolutely beautiful in the mornings here right now, nice and cool with a breeze. Like about 50 or so. And I am so hot-natured, I love 50. So this morning I took off for a jog about 9:30 with my ipod on and it felt great.
It felt even better after I found a Coach charm like the one above, just not an "S". See, I live just at the edge of an older edition (about 30 years old), and our road connects to a brand new edition with homes that start around $500K- they are beautiful. So I run there because it's nice to look at them and think "God, how in the hell would I keep that clean, and how would I ever find my kids????" Anyway, I was jogging along when I found a Coach charm in the street! Obviously, someone was climbing into their Lexus or Jag or some such, and it fell off their purse. Now, I've mentioned before that I do carry Coach exclusively, because I think it's a really quality brand and I've carried them since my mom bought me my first one to carry to church when I was about 12. Except for that Dooney episode, which I will tell you about some other time.

There were no cars around at all, so I figured finders, keepers. Like I am going to go knock on doors on that street and ask. So I was all excited and spent my run trying to think of which friend to give it to since it wasn't an "S". I thought of some friends from college, some friends from work, even a friend from BBC. Then I started thinking of last names that began with that letter and adding even more friends to my possible list. It wasn't until I got into my own driveway that I realized... my own last name starts with the letter I found! So it's clipped to my cream bag and just looks adorable!

Big funny today: I was jogging along, listening to some Wakeland from back in the day, and I felt a car slowing down close to me. I thought "Great, some perve who wants to stare at me and this is totally not a neighborhood that this should be happening in." I glanced over and realized that it was Mr. Sasha, who had piled the kiddos in the Fan (family van) and was holding a red paper Coke cup out the window, yelling "Water stop! Water stop! Do you need some water?" just like in a race. Smart ass. But it did taste damn good.

One more thing, and I'll leave you alone. Don't think I am totally stupid, but I downloaded a song that was really fun to run to. Paris Hilton's Stars Are Blind. Yes, I know it's a talentless heiress who recorded it, and yes, I know it's from last summer and wasn't even cool then. But it is catchy and I love it! (to run to)

The Politician Has the Solution

Sasha: Politician, I don't want to see you putting those fake teeth in your mouth while you are eating.

The Politician: Momma, just close your eyes then.

I have a feeling it's going to be an eventful weekend. Stay tuned for more hilarity.

Thank you Little Debbie!

Oh Little Debbie, you made my day!!!!

First, let me tell you that I am always one of the first people to try new products. On Sundays, I scour the coupon inserts and the Target, CVS and Walgreens circulars in search of new products that I simply must try. I'm a busy mom, you know, and I'm all about time-saving and making things easier for me!

I have been big into the 100 calorie snack packs since they came out. Yes, I know that they are not bargain-friendly, but listen, I am not good at portion control and if I open a big bag of something, it's gone before I realize it. So the little bags really help me keep it in check.

So I was so excited to find these 100 Calorie Nutty Bars! I love me some Nutty Bars (second only to Marshmallow Supremes) but they are normally come two to a package, and I can't just eat one. So this new product is perfect for me. I will tell you that I brought them to the office in an effort to hide them from the fam. I mean, they are mine, no one elses. So there.

And one more product I love, Target's liquid medicine dispensing system- they have a little insert that they put in the top of the medicine bottle and you simply insert the dosing syringe, flip the bottle upside down, pull out the amount you need, flip the bottle back up, remove the syringe, and you are ready to go. Target pharmacists rock- I discovered that if you ask, they will even give you the inserts to put in your OTC meds. Yesterday I was at Target at lunch and The Wild Child's school called and asked if I could bring up some Motrin because she was being a carnivore and biting her friends, which we are pretty sure is due to cutting her 2 year molars. It was very convenient that I just happend to be at Target, because I picked up a bottle of generic motrin and headed to the pharmacy counter to ask sweetly for an insert and a syringe. That's pretty much the only place I will fill liquid meds now- even though I have to drag myself to the middle of the store to get the scripts, and I've really loved being able to do the whole CVS-drive-thru thing....

My son the President

I swear my kid is going to be President some day. Last night he was horsing around in the bathtub and I was getting frustrated with him for not listening to me and I said "Politician, do you want me to start counting? PLEASE listen to me."

He said, "Momma, did you know that I love you sooooo much?"

Mr. Sasha and I died laughing. Mr. Sasha reminded me this same situation happened on the way to church on Sunday. We were in a hurry (when are we not?) and I was getting on to The Politician for climbing in the back of the van instead of getting into his carseat. He said "Momma, did you know you look beautiful today?"

What am I going to do with him?

The Sasha Family Alarm System

This isn't going to win me the Mom of The Year Award (and not that I thought I was a contender anyway), but the above photo is a pic of my living room. Since I can't convince anyone that it's fun to clean up (Laurie Berkner, you lie!) we just pretty much leave it this way until every other Tuesday night when we frantically clean up before our housekeeper comes to do a once over and stir up some dust. She just came yesterday and it already looks like this again.

I justify it by telling myself that it's our alarm system. If anyone dared to break into our house in the dark, we would quickly be awoken by their screams because they would break their neck tripping over toys. So see, I'm saving money. Isn't that the goal of any good bargain hunting mom?

OMG- I am linked to on the Wall Street Journal!

OK, so it's only a link at the bottom of a press release, but isn't that nutty????? I love the WSJ and even won the WSJ Student Achievement award when I was a senior in college as a finance student. I have a cool paperweight to show for it.

Click here to check it out. It's under the "Blog posts about this topic" heading after the press release text.

And yeah, I know it's some automatically generated link thing- but I still feel just a little bit cool.

I am a little cool right?

T shirts

I went yesterday to pick up my t shirt from a 5K I ran in a few weeks back, and I was really disappointed that it was a yucky color. It was kinda latte. Very blah. See, I'm trying to get more cool Ts in size small, because all I have from college are XLs.

I should tell you that I am 5'2" and very small framed. WTH was I thinking getting XLs in college? Every time we would have a sorority date party, I'd order 2 XLs: one for me and one for my 6'0" 185 pound football player boyfriend. You know that was the style in the early 90s- big Ts with the sleeves rolled up. Nutty. And ugly. Why didn't someone tell us? Wait, we also wore Mia shoes and cut-off daisy dukes, and Doc sandals. Crazy how much fashion changes in just a few years.

When I was a sorority advisor a few years back, at a pledge meeting they had the girls answer roll at the first pledge meeting by stating their t shirt size so they would have on record how many of each size to order. Out of 95 girls, all but one said "small", and one poor bigger girl sheepishly said "medium". She really needed a large, but was afraid to say it.

So here's hoping that the Junior Leaguers design better shirts for their run coming up. Surely there's some SAHM with a fashion degree with some time on her hands who can design it. Cute shirt.... cute shirt. Say it with me.

Face Update: Day 7

Finally! I've been try to upload these damn things since lunchtime, but blogger was being snarky. Anyway, here they are. The right side of my face is looking awesome and I just have a few small scabs left (ignore the hint of the double chin please). The left side is where my biggest spots were and they are still pretty scabby. Hopefully by the weekend, I'll be back to normal.

I think I'm going to have to go back and see some spots touched up, but overall I am very pleased. The last epi of Dr. 90210 was about a 37 year old who used to be on Baywatch having a chemical peel to remove sun damage, so I am pretty excited to watch that since that was my other option. Maybe I will still do that... but I think I needed the lasering to get rid of the really bad spots.

A few things

1. Wade Robson, you scare me. Anytime I see a routine you choreograph, I have to change the channel because I will have a nightmare. It's the music you choose, the strange makeup, and the funky dancing- all of it. I just don't like it. Get off my shows.
2. Mr. Sasha, please learn about the concept of time. When I am in a hurry in the AM, please don't decide that you need to spend 8 minutes re-threading the laces in The Politician's new shoes, because seriously, I put those shoes on him last night to go to the mall, and the laces were fine. Also, if you tell me you will run to the kitchen to get The Wild Child's milk, please don't stop to check your CrackBerry. Email can totally wait until your spawn's thirst has been quenched.
3. Doctor who lasered my face, you rock! Now that the scabs are coming off and I am starting to look more normal and less like I have a communicable disease, I totally think the $325 you charged me is going to be worth it! An offshoot of this is that I will probably be seeing for you for a lot of stuff, especially if you continue to send me emails with offers of 50% off of various procedures. If I start to look like Tabitha Stevens, though, you must stop me.
4. Hershey Company, stop it. Why in the world would you start selling your Christmas candy now? I was all prepared to start eating the Candy Cane and Cherry Cordial kisses in November, but October? You are just a money whore and it's pissing me and my weight loss off.
OK, I think that'll do it- have a super day! If the sun ever comes out, I will try to take a pic of my face so you can see the progress. I finally figured out that my camera focuses much better on macro if I don't use the flash.

Pipe dream

Yesterday I entered some photos of the kids in the Gap photo contest. Now, I have no disillusions- although I personally think my kids are pretty cute (what mom doesn't?) I know that there's probably absolutely no chance that they would win. But just for fun, why not?

I entered this one of The Wild Child because I think it's attention-grabbing and she's kinda saying "You better pick me!".

Isn't The Politician just dreamy? Yeah, that's mom speaking again. He has a mild case of plagiocephaly, so hats and sunglasses don't always sit right on his head (actually I think it's a little sideways because he did that on purpose this time), but damn, I could just eat him with a spoon he's so cute. And yeah, I know this pic is a little out of focus, I'm really just as crappy of a photographer as Mr. Sasha.

If this were last year, I would totally enter this shot of The Wild Child. Look at those eyelashes and that cleft in her chin! Such a sweet baby, you'd have never believed she about sent me over the edge and caused some major marital problems.

So wish the Sasha family well, and don't you dare enter your kids and beat us!

TV update

Mr. Sasha and I are very different in some ways- he loves sports and I really couldn't give a damn unless I personally know someone who is playing. When he was playing college football, and the team won the National Championship, I was so excited for him and all his friends and went to every game, even the far away out-of-state games. I was the team's biggest fan. But if I don't know anyone playing, I get super-bored. So, yeah, that's out there now. I really don't like football. Feels better.

And me, I love me some reality TV and Mr. Sasha thinks it's a stupid waste of time. I also love ice skating and I don't think he ever forgive me for dragging him to Stars on Ice. Get over it already.

Anyway, one thing we have the same taste in is TV drama. Amazingly, we love all the same shows. Seriously, all the same shows. It's phenomenal.

So this year we are watching two new (one is just new to us) dramas.


Why we didn't watch Friday Night Lights last year, I don't know. Oh wait, I do. It's because we didn't watch any TV because The Wild Child was going to be the death of us since SHE NEVER SLEPT and cried all the time. At one point I told Mr. Sasha that if I didn't need his help so much, I'd ask him to leave. That's how bad it all was. Crazy how much difference a year makes.

A friend at work raves about this show and since Mr. Sasha lurves football, I thought we'd give it a try. We love it! Now one interesting thing is that this show is quite different from the book it was spun off from, which just happens to be one of the two books Mr. Sasha has ever read. (The other book is Bootlegger's Boy.) Interesting tidbit: We personally know one of the guys profiled in the book- we went to college with him and he married one of my sorority sisters.

I know Mr. Sasha has big dreams of The Politician following in Mr. Sasha and all of his relatives' footsteps and playing college ball. I'm just not sure it's in the cards for a little guy who is less than the 20 percentile for weight.... I think he's going to take after my side of the family and my dad is only 5'7". I do have plans for The Politician to start running with me and set some records here in the next few years. My friend's little boy just beat the town 2nd grade 1 mile record, and we can totally take him.

The other new one is Dirty Sexy Money. It's delicious! The whole ring tone thing is hilarious and I always dig cheeky humor. What a f-ed up family and it totally makes me glad I'm not loaded- money just comes with problems, and I certainly don't have any extra time to deal with problems, we all know that.

So WTH did I do to my face?

You know, I did not explain what I did to my face very well.

Here is the description from the literature I got from the doctor: "A Photofacial is actually a series of gentle (bullshit) pulsed light treatments that dramatically improve your skin's appearance by eliminating minor imperfections using Intense Pulse Light technology."

Yeah, so basically lasering. We started with one machine, and at one point, they had me switch rooms to use a different laser to zap the blood vessels around my nose. Then I went back to the original machine and they said they need to switch to the "V laser" to do the really dark hyperpigmentatin spots, which I can only assume stands for "Very Bad". But seriously, it really didn't hurt and was not uncomfortable at all.

The literature says you are a candidate for Photofacial if you have: broken capillaries, unwanted freckles, acne scars, sun spots, large pores, dark circles under your eyes, rosacea, and generally just have crappy skin that makes you look older than you are (I added that last one).

No photo update today because it basically looks the same. Hopefully tomorrow it will look better and I'll post a pic. It sure better look better by Saturday because I have a wedding and reception to go to that will be sort of swanky and I don't want to look like I have flesh-eating bacteria while there.

Face Update: Day 4

So my face is looking a little better. Definitely less swollen under my eyes. We are fixing to go to a tailgate thing that most of Mr. Sasha's family will be at, so I know I'll have to explain myself a million times and I'm starting to feel vain. Was it nutty to have sun damage lasered off? I really didn't think it was, but I am starting to doubt myself.

Today's funny: The Politician just told us he wanted catfish for lunch. Catfish? WTH? I've never cooked cafish. I refuse to cook anything that swims in my house because of the after-smell. So he is now eating a mini chicken sandwich.

Also, I ran OUTSIDE today, which I never do. I ran my route from a few years ago that I used to run before training for my first 5K. I wasn't sure how long it was, but I was pretty sure it was about 3 miles, and I finished so fast, I was pumped- like I am Olympic bound! I did get in my car and drive it out a bit ago, and turns out it's just under 2 miles. Bummer.

Mr. Sasha might just be a photographer after all

The day at the farm was lots of fun and to my surprise, Mr. Sasha actually took some good photos. I sent him with the old crappy camera (the display doesn't even work, so you can't even see if your picture took) because I don't trust him with the $280 camera.

Although The Politician did decide that this time he would try touching the animals, he balked at touching the above pig, who evidently was emitting some terrible groaning. The Politician said "Daddy, I am not touching that pig because it looks like something is wrong with him!" Smart kid.

Big thanks to my friend Kristin for blurring out the words on The Politician's t-shirt. Can't have any crazies doing FBI style detective work and coming to find us!

Hair: Blonde or Brown

Now, I reserve the right to delete these at any time, so comment away quick and let me know what hair color suits me better. The top pic is colored (pic taken summer 06 when The Wild Child was about 7 months old), and the bottom pic is my natural color (taken TG 05 before The Wild Child was born). I did the Kelly Ripa thing and let it grow out while I was pregnant, just because I was too lazy to get it done. I know I look like shit in the bottom pic, but I was not enjoying my pregnancy and had just been put on bedrest for PIH. That'll piss anyone off.

Now, I don't go back for a hair appt until Nov 20-something, so I won't be doing anything before then, but I'd like some honest opinions on what suits me best. Ignore the big belly and squinty eyes in the pregnancy pic and don't let that influcence your decision.

Face: Day 3

OK, so whatever fluid was in the blisters has gone down, but the dark brown areas are still there and I am still very puffy in the area underneath my eyes. Yesterday at my meeting with our insurance carrier, the head dude was kinda looking at my like "WTF is wrong w/ her and are we having to pay for it?". So I told them what I've been telling pretty much everyone else I pass in the street, "Don't mind my face- I had some lasering done. No big."

I know the picture above sucks- it's super hard to take a pic of my face myself and although viewing screen flips around so you can see it for self-portraits, I can't figure out the damn focusing because the little box disappears. But you get the idea. Those brown spots are all over both cheeks and look worse in person actually.

During my day of beauty Wednesday I also got my hair did, and I'm wondering about the whole blonde thing. I wonder if I look better with my natural color, although last time I let it grow it people would look completely shocked when they saw me and always say "Hmmm.... You just don't look right with brown hair." So I'll look for some pics and you can tell me what you think.

New Face: Day 2 update

Well, I'm just not sure their definition of "no down time" is the same as mine. My makeup just doesn't cover these dime-size brown blisters all over my face. Seriously, I have like 6 on each cheek, and it looks pretty nasty. And also, my face is kinda swollen. Like under my eyes and stuff. And I have a meeting with some VIPs today....

Yesterday when I picked The Politician up from school, his little girlfriend A said, "Hey, your face looks weird." Yeah, yeah, I know. The price of beauty is high. Prepare yourself A, it'll be you someday.

So we'll see. These results better be earth-shattering and land me a spot in the Mrs. American contest. Actually, I'll be happy if I just don't look like I spent too much time in the sun. I have my 15 year HS reunion next month and I want to justify that "Look the Youngest" award thing.

On to other things:

This morning when getting dressed, The Politician said "My bottom is getting too big for my underwear." WTH? He has the smallest butt ever, and no way are his undies too small. In fact, if I got the next size up, they would fall off him. He is still wearing a 18 month or 2T short because his butt is so small. I don't know where he gets this shit, but it is comedy and blog material, so I'm not complaining.

Guys, You should know

At the dinner table, The Politician just told us "Guys, you should know that I'm done with dinner, you know."

Anxious and Excited

In just a few minutes, I am leaving work to go to a consultation at a medical spa. I have some super-bad hyper pigmentation on my face as a lovely souvenir of my pregnancies and wacky hormones. My BFF is going to have "pixelating" or some such done on hers, and she suggested that I make an appointment too.

While there, I am also going to ask about:

• These stupid deep lines that go from the edges of my nose to the corners of my mouth
• Some sun damage spots from worshipping the sun for way too long
• My indentation on the side of my face from forceps when I was born

So I am super excited because let me tell you, if you look closely, my skin looks way older than almost 34. And I was voted "Most Likely to Look the Youngest in 10 Years" when we graduated high school. I was also voted "Most Likely to Still Live in This Town", but I did get the hell out of Dodge, so there.

I did have fat transfer done about 6 years ago on my forceps indentation, but the doctor said one time probably wouldn't be enough. So I'll report back with what the doc says, and hopefully it won't cost a million dollars or anything crazy like that.

Edited to add: Well, evidently I have so much damage that I needed a "Photo Facial" rather than the pixel stuff. Basically, lasering off all the bad stuff. So $325 later and about 2 hours later (part of that was the wait time, not the procedure), here I am back at work looking like I am rather sunburned, and my skin kinda feel fiery. But they tell me that all the brown stuff will slough off and I will look radiant! That wasn't their exact words, but that's what I'm thinking. I totally should have taken a before shot, but you know DH can't take pictures, and every time I try to take one of myself I end up looking like an elf with a really big nose.

We decided to deal with the pigmentation stuff before tackling the lines and the dent. I swear I'm not going to go all Dr. 90210 on you, but I can totally see how whats-her-face (the porn girl on Dr. 90210) got addicted to plastic surgery. It's awfully nice to have someone tell you how pretty you are (yeah, you just want my $325) and how their quick and easy procedure is going to make you even prettier. Although I would draw the lines at Dr. Rey fondling my breasts and telling me how cute they are.

And if anyone is wondering about the pain factor, I'm not a good judge. After that failed epidural, I feel no pain. Seriously, if that was a 10 on the pain scale, nothing else I've ever experienced can even be a 1, that's how bad childbirth was. Not to scare you or anything if you are currently a pregnant mom-to-be, just be ready to raise some hell if you don't think it's working.

My 4 year old just called me "Sweetie"

Yeah, you read that right. The Politician just called me "Sweetie". He was telling me about being hungry, and I said, "Sweetie, you can't be hungry- we just ate!" And he said, "But, Sweetie, I want some ice cream!"

He is picking up everything I say and it is hilarious. He starts his sentences with "Probably" or "Actually" and he just started saying "You know" at the end of his sentences. But it's a little out of context, so that makes it even funnier. "I need my socks on, you know."

And Mr. Sasha has convinced him that "Stupid" is a bad word and The Politician gets onto me at least once a day for saying it. Isn't that stupid?

But I totally discovered he likes tostadas so that's one more thing he can eat for dinner. Score.

He also was making up words again and telling me they were Spanish today. He told me "van" in Spanish is "vano" and I really don't think that's true......

Little Mr. Bossy

The Politician's teacher stopped me this morning and said she wanted to tell me about something that happend yesterday. I was all prepared for the "your son is stripping off all his clothes before he goes to the bathroom" speech, but instead, she told me the funniest story.

Today is the big field trip to the farm. Evidentally yesterday was all about preparing for the trip and discussing rules, etc.

Anyway, at some point yesterday The Politician gathered some of the kids up and wanted to go over everything to make sure they were all clear on the rules. So she said he stood there looking just like me when I have something important to say, pointed his finger at everyone, and said stuff like, "Now remember, during the field trip, you do not turn your listening ears off. We will all wear our blue shirt, and we will all ride in our car seats."

So the story goes that I was Little Miss Bossy when I was a kid (and my friends would probably tell you I still am), and it appears the he is following in my footsteps. I'm not sure if that is a curse or not, we shall see.

Since I am short on vacation days, Mr. Sasha is driving the van and taking 3 of The Politician's friends with them to the farm. I am crushed that I am going to miss out on this car ride, cause I imagine it will be hilarious. His little girlfriend A called last night (yes, they are 4) and they chatted about the trip for about 5 seconds, until he got tired of talking on the phone and handed it to me to continue the convo. Then A asked to speak to Mr. Sasha and chatted with him about it too.

I did send the (old) camera with Mr. Sasha, but he takes crappy pictures so I doubt I will have any to post for you.

MAN TAG

MAN TAG from ClemsonGirl and The Coach:

1. Who is your man? Mr. Sasha

2. How long have you been married? Since 1999, although it's so hard to believe it's been 8 years

3. How long dated? Like in a row, without taking breaks? That's too hard... Started dating in Jan 1993 and dated off and on until we got engaged in Spring 1999

4. How old is your man? Only 3 1/2 months older than me, although he graduated a year before me

5. Who eats more? Like healthy food? He takes that one. But sugar and empty calories? I win that hands down.

6. Who said "I love you" first? I *think* it might have been me. I was so enamored seeing as how he was this big strong football player.

7. Who is taller? Mr. Sasha is 6'0" and I am a measly 5'2".

8. Who sings better? Neither of us can carry a tune in a bucket.

9. Who is smarter? That's touchy- I have more common sense, but he has more patience to learn book stuff. If I don't pick it up in 5 minutes, I can't spend any more time on it.

10. Whose temper is worse? Yeah, that'd be me. Like head-spinning-around-three-times temper with fire in my eyes. I have actually scared Mr. Sasha a few times.

11. Who does the laundry? Mr. Sasha is not allowed to do laundry after the bleaching incident of 2000.

12. Who takes out the garbage? That's a toss-up- actually we both do, but I push it out to the street on Mondays because I think he will forget if I don't do it before I leave for work.

13. Who sleeps on the right side of the bed? Wait, the right like if you are looking at the bed, or if you are laying down in it? This is the kind of question that drives Mr. Sasha crazy. If you are standing at the foot of the bed looking at it, I sleep on the right.

14. Who pays the bills? All me, since Mr. Sasha does not believe in writing down his checks, he is relegated to his own account and not allowed to touch mine (the joint account). And did I tell you he used to be a damn good financial planner? Just can't do his own finances.

15. Who is better with the computer? Mr. Sasha is just now figuring how to attach documents.

16. Who mows the lawn? I have never mowed and don't plan to. When Mr. Sasha had his car accident and arm surgery, we hired someone to do it for us. I way too dainty.

17. Who cooks dinner? I go once a month and do those freezer meal package things, and other than that we both do a little cooking.

18. Who drives when you are together? Depends on which car we are in- we each drive when in our own car usually.

19. Who pays when you go out? Since I am queen of the checkbook, normally me.

20. Who is most stubborn? Oh yeah, me again. But it's OK since I know it, right?

21. Who is the first to admit when they are wrong? Neither!

22. Whose parents do you see the most? It's probably about equal, but I don't have to go buy beer when my parents are coming over.

23. Who kissed who first? I belive the story goes that I basically climbed in his lap in the car and started kissing him. This was thanks to a little Everclear.

24. Who asked who out? He definitely asked me out. And I had to miss my favorite band to go.

25. Who proposed? Well, Mr. Sasha was being pokey about it, so I went ahead and reserved the church before he'd actually proposed. (He doesn't know that) Hey, I had to schedule it around football season!

26. Who is more sensitive? I am super-sensitive and get worried that someone is mad at me if I don't talk to them for a few days.

27. Who has more friends? I'd say me, but Mr. Sasha has a lot of friends from the days of college football, and you know how snarky girls can be.

28. Who has more siblings? Mr. Sasha has two and I have none.

29. Who wears the pants in the family? Me, of course.

And now I TAG: East Coast Girl in the Midwest

Beyond tacky

You know how sometimes at wedding or baby showers they have you fill out your own name and address on an envelope for the honoree to use for thank you notes? I think that is so tacky. I totally pisses me off to get that card in the mail that I addressed myself.

But I recently went to a baby shower that totally topped that. Not only did the do the envelope thing, they also had us write our own name and our gift in her baby book on the "Gifts" page as we entered the shower! I about died. I don't blame the shower honoree, because it was probably something the hostesses thought of. Stupid bitches.

One more quick thing

So The Politician did the "I have to strip off all my clothes to poop" thing tonight- at Mr. Sasha's sister's house. So just like I was afraid of, it's not just at home... damn. What the hell am I going to do about this- and what's behind this weirdness?

Naps

So are my kids the only ones in the world (or at least my town) who still take naps on the weekends? Because we have not one, but two, separate birthday party invitations to parties that occur during nap time during the next few weeks!!!!!!

I guess the one for The Politician I'm not that mad about, because I think some 4 year old have stopped taking naps. But The Wild Child? Who expects an almost 2 year old to not take an afternoon nap? The party is from 1:30-3:30 so I'm not sure how that's going to work, but we are going to try it. There was a flurry of emails between three of us moms with invited kids, and we all agreed that it was crazy, but the hay ride sounds fun, so what the hell. We'll throw caution to the wind.....

I do want to say, I know the reason that they are having them mid-afternoon- to avoid serving lunch or dinner. Seriously people, you can get a few $5 pizzas from Little Caesars and feed everyone- stop being so damn cheap! So I guess my kid will eat your cake at 4 pm and then boycott dinner.

Short post... I've got to go watch the reunion show for Rock of Love. (I told you, it's trashtastic!)

Daddy is home from The Big Game

So Mr. Sasha did not get home from The Big Game until after 11 pm last night, and the kids had not seen him since Friday morning, because, you know, The Big Game is a two day affair.

Anyway, I let Mr. Sasha sleep in a little since he was so kind to me after the Fall Festival and let me do the same. So The Politician was watching a little Tigger and Pooh, and The Wild Child and I were doing a puzzle (hooray for not reading the George and Bunny book!) in the living room.

When he finally woke up, Mr. Sasha was so excited to see the kids, but alas, The Politician was too into his TV.

Mr. Sasha: Hi guys! I missed you so much!

The Wild Child: Daddy!

The Politician: silence.......

Sasha: Politician, your daddy wants to give you a hug- he's excited to see you!

The Politician: But momma, can't you see I'm busy??????

Mr. Sasha was crushed, but understands the importance of not missing an epi of your favorite show.

A Good Time Was Had by All

Well, we made it! This morning when The Politician woke up at freakin 5:30 am he asked me, "Momma, is Thomas going to be there today?" I said, "Yes, of course, I promise he will be there." All the while thinking to myself, surely there's no way I'm wrong again, and if so, someone should take my kids away cause I'm no more suited to be a parent than Britney.

He had an absolute blast and it was worth the $40 for the tickets, and the $14 t-shirt, $12 Diesel 10 train, and $14 picture. Gee, that turned out to be an expensive day- and yes, I spent more than I usually would because of my screw up yesterday.

By the way, I do not have an asymmetric haircut, one side is just sort of behind The Politician's head. Just wanted to make sure you all don't think I'm living back in 1984. But isn't The Politician the cutest thing ever?

ClemsonGirl, I am happy to report that there was no petting zoo. There was a temporary tattoo tent, but The Politician is against stickers and tattoos as a general rule, so that was off limits. There was of course, the aforementioned store, there was a big tent with lots of train tables set up with various tracks and trains, and several picture-taking opportunities. A weekday is definitely the way to go, even if I did have to take a half-day of vacation.

One last note, the workers were very bored-looking teenagers, and I am wondering if it was some type of community service project as a punishment for drinking, etc. Because they were so much more into texting on their phones than into making sure the kiddos had fun. Punks.

Edited to remove pic with me in it. That shirt totally made me look fat. Sorry if you missed it.

Off to See the Wizard

Actually, The Politician and I are off to see Thomas this morning. Mr. Sasha is leaving town for The Big Game, so it was all me today. I hope that Sir Topham Hat wakes up in time and has it all ready for us.... cause The Politician might just freak out at two days in a row of disappointment.... Let's hope for the best!

Holy crap

Mr. Sasha just called me from the Thomas location- guess what? The tickets I bought online were for tomorrow, NOT today. Good Lord- I just can't get it all together.... I feel terrible, they drove all the way up there, The Politician was so excited that it was today...... Plus now Mr. Sasha is going to have to take him to school, and his teachers and everyone think he's going to Thomas today.... So they'll be all, "How was Thomas, Politician?" and he'll be all "Yeah, my momma is stupid and bought tickets for tomorrow. Thomas isn't even here today."

And the Catholics will all be laughing at me, and wondering if they should call CPS on me since I obviously can't get my shit together.

The perils of an 8-to-5 job

It's days like today that I am so jealous of Mr. Sasha. About 15 months ago, he quit his awesome job (that came with a company car, auto insurance, and unlimited gas for personal use) to start his own company. He was able to do this partly because my job is awesome and comes with free insurance coverage for the whole family.

But my awesome job also comes with a limited amount of vacation time. So here I sit with 3 months to go in the year, and only 2 1/2 days of vacation left...... Sitting at my computer at work while Mr. Sasha is taking The Politician to Day Out With Thomas. I would love to go too, but I figure I better save those vacation days in case something comes up.

Poor pitiful me. (Thanks for listening! I'll snap out of it now!)

Sasha's Laminated "List"

Disappointingly, the kiddos did not do anything really funny or interesting yesterday, other than The Politician telling me that "the red paint just jumped up on his face" when I ask him what in the world happened at school to make him look like such an urchin child. One of my friends was doing a "picture party" on Monday night from 5:30-7:30, where a photographer comes for a few hours, and families come and go and have little 15 minute photo shoots. When my friend invited us, Mr. Sasha and I had a good laugh, because our kids look like they have been running around the trailer park all day and although we bathed them the night before, you'd never know it. Seriously, we can't go anywhere after picking them up from school because they look homeless.

Anyway, with all this talk of girls crushes, I thought I'd share with you my "List" of guys, a la Friends. You know, the epi where Ross tells everybody about his "list" and how he can hook up with any of these people should the opportunity ever present itself, and Rachel can't get mad.


1. Josh Lucas. Especially in Sweet Home Alabama. Now, I was going to put Matthew McConaughey here, but I couldn't easily find a hot pic of him, so Josh, you lucky dog you, #1 is all yours.

2. Michael Vartan. In Alias, and possibly in The Curve.

3. Matthew Fox. Mr. Sasha and I used to watch Party of Five, and he did not know that for me, it was all for Foxy. And now that's he's on Lost......

4. Chuck Wicks. Hot country singer from the TV show Nashville (which I just heard got cancelled, and I am so sorry Nashville cast, it is all because I was watching and really liking your shows).

5. Alex Van Camp. Did anyone else in the whole world watch Paradise Hotel? This is absolutely my favorite reality show ever, and he is just so adorable and totally someone I would have tried to hook up with in college.

So there's my list. Laminated. So if the opportunity should ever present itself, I am sure all five would be glad to know that I'm still available for them.

Woo Hoo

So today I got linked to by my blog idol (and girl crush) Ashley! Way cool and it totally made my day. I've been commenting on her blog for a while, screaming "Notice me, notice me!" and she did!

Really, she's super cool and the reason I started blogging. When Monogram Momma linked to Ashley's blog earlier this summer, I read once and was hooked. The adventures of Big Kid and Little Kid crack me up, and it's nice to know that there's someone else out there who appreciates wit and dry humor and can find the funny in everyday situations. Ashley, thanks much for the recognition- it means a lot!

Learning Spanish

Periodically The Politician will share with me some stuff he learns in Spanish class. He goes everyday, and is actually picking up quite a lot. And Ms. Martha, his teacher, says his pronunciation is really good- and it's really cute too (that's me saying that part, although I imagine she thinks he is pretty cute too). When he was younger, he sometimes would learn the Spanish word before he learned the English word- the above picture being an example. He pointed to a horse and said "caballo" before he could say "horse".
So last night:
The Politician: says "Boom-ba" as The Wild Child is walking by
Me: Politician, don't call her names!
The Politician: Momma, it's not a bad name, it's Spanish!
Me: Hmmmmm..... What does it mean?
The Politician: Sister. And Boom-boo means brother.
Me: Really? I didn't know that.
The Politician: No, Momma. I'm just kidding! (and collapses into laughter)
So now it's kind like The Boy Who Cried Wolf... will I ever be able to trust The Politician's Spanish lessons again?

Just So You Know

I wanted to tell you how to pronounce my name. Because my mother was nutty and did not pronounce it the way most people would (Sosh-uh).

So my name is pronounced Sash-uh. Like a sash on a dress. And my family calls me Sash- and you can too!

And that is why I named my children names with only one pronounciation option. And that are easily spelled. Because I always have to spell my first and last name and it gets old. Plus I have worked at the same place for 10 years and people STILL call me Sosh-uh. But I do understand because it is a complicated name.

I justed wanted you to know in case we get to be great friends and meet up someday, or in case I get to be really famous and you hear about me on TV. I don't want you to have to say "Damn, I've been calling her Sosh-uh for 5 years!"

Mobile Homes and Eye Pokings

So last night after I watched the Rock of Love finale (so trashtastic) Mr. Sasha wanted to watch the Earl epi from Thursday. Now, I used to love Earl, but it lost a little of it's funniness last year and I was frankly very tired last night and it was 10:00 so I started it for Mr. Sasha because he is lacking in technical skills and can't figure out the Tivo remote, took off my glasses and closed my eyes. I was still listening however, so I caught the best line ever.

I know where your momma parks your house!

Tee hee. Now, I'm totally not making fun of mobile homes (well, just a little) and to puncutate that I'll tell you that my family lived in one for a year after I was born. So see, I'm not being mean.

Also, we may have to call The Politician a new name- Steel Trap. I swear, if you tell him something once or something little happens just once, he will remember it forever and bring it up when you least expect it. Background: He often accidentally pokes himself in the eye and absolutely freaks out and this lasts for hours. It may have something to do with him having blocked tear ducts as a baby and having surgery at 18 months to insert tubes around his eye lids that he had to keep in for 6 months, and a little incident that involved me having to surgically remove one of the tubes myself with him in his carseat in the driveway because he managed to pull it out a little and at the instruction of the dr I had to cut it and pull it out!

Anyway, last night before bed Mr. Sasha accidentally poked The Politician in the eye while they were reading books before bed. A wet washcloth held over the eye usually helps calm him down, and it worked last night and he went to bed just fine. But this AM when I woke him up, he said "Momma, I do not want Daddy to help me get ready for school this morning. He poked me in the eye last night and it still hurts." So I had to get a wet washcloth all over again..... Crazy kid.

The Benefits of Hearing Aids

So MIL is supposed to wear hearing aids, but she doesn't, or else they don't work because the following exchange took place on the phone this AM.

The Politician: Hi DD!

MIL: Hi Politician! Do you know where Papa and I are? (the are on a vacay)

The Politician: Colorado!

MIL: You caught a rabbit! Wow- that's so exciting- tell me all about it!

The Politician: ???????

What's at the top of my Season Pass list?

The Office of course!

Now, some of my friends just don't "get" the humor. But Mr. Sasha and I do, so much that we often have to pause the show because we are laughing so hard.
Our favorite quotes from last night:
"Has Roy ever killed your cat?"

"I'm not superstitious, but I'm a little stitious."

"There's no such thing as a rabies doctor."

"Support the Rabid."

Holy crap.... that's some good stuff. Reminds me of the first two seasons of Arrested Development. But I will admit, you either get it or you don't. I was glad to find out that the Lexapro hasn't affected the humor I appreciate, although I still think I am less snarky.

Candy Emergency

The other night the fam went to Sam's to get snacks for The Politician's snack week (yeah, yeah, I know, I'm against it by principle, but I don't have a choice). I walked by the candy aisle quickly as I normally do so as not to be tempted. But those MF-ers had put something so yummy looking on the endcap- Cheesecake Hershey Kisses. I resisted, but I have to admit that I have thought about them for 2 days and all of the sudden about 1 pm today I just couldn't take it anymore.

I actually thought I might have made them up, because I googled them and found no reference. Even the Hershey's website did not have them listed under products. And I posted on BBC and no one else had heard of them. So I thought maybe the Lexapro was making me see things.

So I snuck out of work, drove to Sam's, and yeah, they exist. So of course I bought them. And they are good. Damn......

Speaking of Where's Waldo...

Holy crap- speaking of Where's Waldo, I have the greatest story ever. Well, maybe if you're not in my sorority, it won't make a lot of sense, but hey, you never know, the humor may translate anyway.
So it's about Summer 1995 and a few of us from our local chapter are at the National Convention. Each year at the National Convention they have a "Model Initiation" ceremony to initiate some special pledge who is about a triple legacy and a super-duper student and probably a goody-two-shoes to boot. In order to attend this ceremony (and probably 500 people attend) you must wear ALL WHITE.
So here we are, sitting in Model Initiation, being serious (as we are expected to be), and all of the sudden my sorority sister next to me whispers, "Where's Waldo?" I'm like, "What???" And she says it again and points across the room.
There, in a sea of white, is an older lady in a turquoise blazer! WTH???? Who let her in?
So we are dying laughing, and everyone around us catches on, and starts laughing too, and really, the two of us are probably still known at headquarters as the girls who ruined model initiation at Convention 95.
I will say they never did ask for my pin back, and I was cleared to be an advisor for another chapter from 2001-2006, so maybe it is all forgotten, but OMG it was simply hilarious.

Shopping list

Almost forgot the best tidbit about the Festival..... the shopping list from the Knights of Columbus, who so awesomely did the cooking for our spaghetti dinner. Here's an email that lists their requested shopping list. As sort of a "Where's Waldo?" for you, see if you can spot the interesting items.

Hello All, I am planning on doing the shopping Wednesday evening. Here is the list so far. Please add or make changes if needed:
Plates( plastic/sturdy ones due to the messy spaghetti)
Garlic
Oregano
Basil
Fresh pigs feet (I know, I know)
Pork neck bones ...again, I'm sure it will be delicious :)
Italian meat balls ( 2 per person)
Spaghetti noodles - thin #9 noodles per Tom
Onions
Bread sticks
Hotdogs
Hotdog buns
Big bags of potato chips
Salad ( premade?? or should we make it??)
Lemonade
Cans of Diet coke/ Dr. Pepper/ Sprite
How many 2 liters do we need for the ring toss?
* Also, we will check and see if we already have mustard and ketchup*

Home from the festival

So I'm home from the kids' school Fall Festival, which is the big fundraiser for the year. I believe we made a ton of money, and I'm about to count it. But I do want to tell you that I am worn out and it's frustrating that more parents aren't willing to help.

Two things:

After the festival was over, I discovered that we served skunky Diet Coke (it expired Dec 25, 2006!!!!) and we had a TON of homemade caramel popcorn left (and I so forgot to grab some on my way out). I also took the family photos at the photo booth, and I'm no photographer, but no one else volunteered. I may have to offer refunds........

This is not good

So last night The Politician tells me he needs to go poop. I usually go in there and finish up the housekeeping portion of the task.

Anyway, as I am going through my bedroom into the bathroom, I see a trail of clothes. First shorts, then undies, then a shirt. Now, I'm totally used to the shorts and undies coming off, seems he can do his business best with nothing binding around his legs. But the shirt..... why in the world is that off?

Sasha: Politician, I see you've taken off your shirt. What's that all about?

Politician: Momma, I always take all my clothes off before I go poop.

Sasha: Well, what about at school? Do you take all your clothes off there too? (Something I admit I never thought about.....)

Politician: Of course!

Oh good lord, so he's taking off all his clothes in the boys bathroom, probably leaving them by the door. One of these days, I'm so going to call a call from the Catholics.

Public spectacle at SDC

Mr. Sasha and I decided to take a spur of the moment vacay last week so packed up everything we owned (at least that's what it looked like) and we hopped in the van and went to Brason, MO to take the kids to Silver Dollar City.

A good time was had by all. All except for about 1:00 pm on Friday, when The Politician took a spill and scraped up his right elbow. Being The Best Mom Ever, and oh-so-prepared, I whipped out a first aid kit from my Kecci Mommy bag and used the antiseptic wipe to clean the wound and slapped a band-aid on there. But did I ever tell you that The Politician can be quite dramatic? He claimed that the band-aid was hurting him, shouting, "Please take it off Momma! Please don't make me wear a band-aid!" You'd think I was asking him to wear a pink and purple striped dress!

Anyway, Mr. Sasha took him aside and tried to calm him down, and they ended up in the above chair, and we all figured out that The Politician was really just over-tired and needed a nap. So Mr. Sasha said he would just stay in said chair and let The Politician sleep a little. The Wild Child and I took off on a walk to see what we could see. About 30 minutes later I came back, and I found Mr. Sasha and The Politician BOTH asleep.

But the funniest part is that there were about 10 people standing around, taking pictures of them. Now WTF are those people going to do with those pictures??????

The new phone books are here! The new phone books are here!

No, really, I'm kidding... but the Fall Preview TV Guide is here! I know that I'm the lamest person in the world because I read TV guide and have for as long as I can remember. In fact, I remember going to the grocery store with my mom as a kid and getting excited each week on the day that the TV Guide came out. I always worked the crosswords (sha na na is ALWAYS an answer) and always looked forward to the issue about the new shows so I could plan out my viewing schedule. Now, that has changed somewhat since I now have 2 Tivos, both with dual tuners, so I can in fact record FOUR shows at once! Anyway, in a few days I'll do a post on the shows I'm planning on trying out.

Last year I bought a 4 year subscription on ebay for $4! Isn't that crazy? That transaction combined my two biggest loves, bargains and TV, and made me so giddy!

Yes, I know no one else reads TV Guide (besides my mom), but I really don't care! I am also currently enjoying a subscription to Entertainment that I got as a Christmas gift (soon to end I believe) and a sub to People that has the name of the old owner of our house on there. Now, we've owned our house for almost 8 years, so I have no idea why in March 2007 I started getting a 2 year subscription to People, but I'm not complaining!

Currently going un-read are my subs to Parents and Parenting. Sorry, Politician and Wild Child, right now I'd much rather read about the stars than about healthy snacks, new toys and games we can play together. That's OK w/ you, isn't it?

Yo-key-ah-sa

Frequently, The Politician sprinkles some Spanish in his conversation, and I am just lost. See, because it seemed so cool, I chose to take French in high school, and to be honest, I have absolutely nothing to show for it. Other than my French name was Nicole, which was so much easier to say than Sasha (Sash-uh, not Sosh-uh, in case you are wondering). But I digress.

Anyway, last night:

The Politician: Momma, can I watch Yo-key-asa (imagine a Spanish accent)?

Sasha: Hmm.... I don't think I know what that is. Did you learn that in Spanish class today?

TP: No, Momma, Yo-key-ah-sa.

Sasha: Well, like I said, Politician, I don't know what that is. We have George, The Wiggles, Tigger and Pooh... will any of those work?

TP: No, Momma, that won't work.

Suddenly, it hits me. He means Yo Gabba Gabba, and I silently curse TV Guide.

Backstory: On Saturday morning, The Wild Child, The Politician and I were sitting in the dining room eating breakfast (pancakes for them, yogurt and a Coke for me) and I was flipping through last week's TV Guide (I'm always a week or so behind). The had a little article on what they said was this new kids show involving music and cool bands on Nick or Noggin or such called Yo Gabba Gabba. I'm a sucker for a music show because I have this vision of The Politician being a drummer in a cool rock band and Mr. Sasha and I travelling around with him and me being all "I'm With the Band".

So I set my Tivo for a season pass for this darn show, and by damn, turns out it's as annoying as it's gets. And of course the kids love it. Elijah Wood is on there (???) and some DJ guy who I don't know because I avoid any Bllboard chart that has songs on it that include the word "Featuring" in the name of the artist. Sidebar: I just imdb-d him and I still don't know who he is, although Biz Markie appears to be a part of the cast.....

Anyway, stay away from this show or you'll have "Snacky snack snack snack snack, snacky snack snack snack SNACK!" in your head all day.

If I like a TV show, you can bet it will be cancelled

Veronica Mars - I totally have a girl crush on Kristen Bell, and actually on Veronica Mars the character too. Absolutely my favorite show ever. The whole noir thing was cool, and the Logan angst took me back to 1992.

The Class - Normally Mr. Sasha and I are not into 30 minute sitcoms. We've liked Andrea Anders since she was on Joey, so when we heard she was on this one, we gave it a try- and loved it!

What About Brian- I love me some Barry Watson. Especially after The Haircut. Such a great show that Mr. Sasha and I watched together- he actually discovered this one. Witty sarcasm is what made this show great and we loved the whole Dave-Deena thing. It was like The OC for grown-ups.
Alias - What can I say? I know, I know, this show totally jumped the shark when Nadia was revealed to be Syd's sister, but before that? Best show on TV. Kept me on TWOP often. I was all about the spoilers, and the whole Rambaldi thing, and SD-6.... Good stuff.

Just in case I do have some readers

Go here and vote for entrant 47860. See Ashley's Closet for all the sordid details- but basically there was some major BBC drama (what else is new) and now we all need to vote for the Little Kid to win- I think the contest is over tomorrow, so vote today!

Ebates double bonus offer

Right now, if you follow this link, ebates is doubling their normal bonus, and will be giving $10 to everyone that signs up through this link and makes a purchase (I'll get $10 too). Normally, it's $5, so this is a great time to sign up if you haven't already!

www.ebates.com/doublebonusoffer/index.htm?id=26179778

This is just terrible

Damn M&Ms just came out with a new flavor. RaZZberry. Damn them. They are spectacular. Consider yourself warned. This is almost as bad as Candy Cane Kisses.

Side-effects of being a mom

So pretty often The Politician says something so fraking hilarious, I think, "I'll have to write about this on my blog! He is just as funny as The Big Kid!"

Night before last, Mr. Sasha and I choked at the dinner table because we were trying to hard not to laugh in his face.

But here's the thing- I totally forgot what he said. Can't even remotely remember what the situation was. And I've done that probably 5 times in the last week. This kid should be on Letterman, and I'm serious, but because I am barely keeping it all together, I can't recap the moment for you.

Here's one funny thing I can remember, because it happens each time we have pasta with red sauce, which is once a week or so because The Politician is the Carbohydrate Kid. Anytime, and I mean anytime, we have pasta with red sauce, The Politician strips off his shirt before coming to the table. Without prompting. Long ago, I got sick of doing laundry and all the steps it takes to remove stains, so I started taking his shirt off when we were having anything stain-ish, in an effort to save myself some time. I am now wondering if this is going to be a bad habit to break and if he is going to striping off his shirt when he goes to his girlfriend's house for dinner the first time in 2019.

So maybe the other stories will come back to me, but there are no promises. Because I will probably forget that I forgot.

Notes from School

So The Politician came home from school with this note yesterday:

"The Policitican continues to do well. He is having trouble about inside and outside play. We will work on that." (Note that this is word for word.)

So I ask the teacher who is on duty when I pick him up, and she had no idea what this means, because it was written by the lead teacher, who leaves at nap time, and they didn't talk about this before she left.

OK, so I'm left to dissect this on my own. First you tell me he is doing well. Then you tell me he is having trouble pretty much all day (inside AND outside). So which is it, doing well or having trouble??????? I am quite bothered by this, and actually lose a little bit of sleep over this, and since I suffer from insomnia (damn melatonin is NOT working), sleep is a precious commodity that I am not willing to part with.

So I take the opportunity this AM to ask the lead teacher exactly what she meant, and it turns out he is having trouble keeping his inside play and outside play activities separate. He is evidentally using his outside voice inside, running inside, climing on furniture, etc.

Doesn't sound like a big deal to me. Sounds like a 4 year old boy........

My sense of smell must be hereditary

I must tell you that I have a crazy sense of smell.

I can't wear perfume or strongly scented lotion because smelling the same smell for any length of time makes me sick at my stomach.

I am also very sensitive to food smells- for instance I have forbidden Mr. Sasha from ever again cooking in my kitchen anything that swims. He cooked some salmon last year that I could smell for 2 weeks every time I walked in the house. I also can't throw away any food wrappings in my office trashcan at work because again, smelling popcorn for 4 hours will make me gag, so I have to cart all my food-related trash to the breakroom trashcan.

Anyway, the night we got back from Boston it was really late and the kids were asleep. The next morning The Politician came into our bedroom and crawled in bed between us. He sleepily said "Momma, you smell like Boston."

WTH? What does Boston smell like?

And just the other day, I got in bed with him for a bit to snuggle before he went to sleep, and he said "Momma, you smell like Mimi."

So I smell 58? Must have been my skincare routine. Time for some new moisturizer.

So you guys know about ebates, right?

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Sasha

So who am I, and what's this all about?

It's funny- I got into blog reading a few months ago, but I just noticed that most of the blogs I am reading belong to stay at home moms. Which is fine and I truly enjoy reading them, but I haven't seen many (any?) blogs written by moms like me.

Moms that work full-time outside of the home, and have so much going on that some days they feel like it's all going to crashing down on them at any moment. Moms who just can't get ahead of the game and have a constant running to do list because oh my gosh, we are ALWAYS running out of something! Moms that forget to take clean blankets to school on Mondays, forget to give $1 for the pizza party to the teacher, forget to pick up the cleaning, forget to buy an anniversary card, forget to gas up......

Moms that haven't printed out pictures in six months, haven't even touched the baby book for baby #2 who is now 19 months old, didn't write down the days all those teeth popped out, and didn't even know the answer when the nurse asked yesterday at The Politician's 4 year old check-up if he could draw a person with three body parts.

You get the picture. So I'll represent all the moms who are trying to do it all, but really only getting about half of it done..... Cause I can't be the only one of us out there.

So that's the background, and where the title came from. Cause that's me, Barely Keeping It All Together. (and sashasays was already taken.....)

4 years ago today.....

I was 36 weeks pregnant and delivering my first child. My water had broken the night before, just minutes after crawling in bed and telling Mr. Sasha, "I am SO tired of being pregnant." Seriously, just minutes after I uttered that phrase, I felt a POP and realized my water broke.

Of course, I had not packed a bag. So I sat on the toilet and told Mr. Sasha what to pack, and of course we forgot a million things that he had to make several trips home for over the next few days.

Honestly, I don't remember much of those first few days of The Politician's life. His first APGAR was only a 3 and he had a little trouble with the whole suck/swallow/breathe thing and actually stopped breathing right after he was born. So he spent some time in the NICU.

Luckily, this is a happy-ending story where I tell you that we were able to take him home when I checked out two days later.

The Politician has grown to be such a joy- he's funny, sometimes very serious and says some hilarious stuff (he showed the ped today where his esophagus was), and boy can he work the room. You can just see his wheels turning, although he has not yet learned the art of asking parent #2 the same question out of earshot of parent #1 in an effort to get his preferred response. I know that I'll blink and he'll be in high school......

Someone should have asked ME before they discontinued.....

Origins Bite Your Lips in Just Bitten Raspberry - My mainstay lipstick for quite a while. I loved it because it was MLBB (My Lips But Better - tm Makeup Alley) and it didn't run into the little lines around my mouth. When they discontinued it, I found.......

Delux Tintstick in Dot - which is also now discontinued! I found three tubes at Ulta a few months ago for $3 each rather than the normal $14, so I snatched them up. I don't know what I'll do when they are gone. Ebay, I suppose.

C2 - The half-sugar version of Coke. This tasted so close to the flavor of the full-sugar version, you didn't even miss those 70 or so calories. Stupid local Coca-Cola bottlers.... if you'll make at least one 12 pack per week, Mr. and Sasha and I will buy it!

OPI Chile O Caliente nail polish - The best color ever, and now I have to resort to buying it on ebay. I've been exclusively wearing this on my toes for a few years now, and have no idea what I will do when the supply on ebay is exhausted.

Clinique Shadow liner in a brown shade - I can't remember the exact name, but it was so nice and went on so smooth and blended so well.

Seriously, these are all awesome products, and what the hell happened??????? I am every marketer's dream, as I buy all new products just once, just to try them out. But when I find something I repeat buy, that's a big thing. So if any of my non-readers have any of this lying around, email me and we can work something out!

30 things about me

1. I have an irrational fear of those moving circular door things (revolving doors???)- can't use them
2. I am a cat person
3. I do not like dogs, except LaVerne the golden retreiver
4. I am not a fan of flowers being sent to me, I am way too thrifty
5. However, I always carry Coach purses, because I figure my general thriftness balances out with my luxury items I can't live without
6. I have to take my showers in the morning- I totally don't mind going to bed dirty
7. I must have a canned Coke (full sugar version) to drink while I am getting ready in the AM- it's my coffee
8. I don't eat anything green unless it contains sugar (green jello, green candy, etc)
9. In fact, I don't eat any veggies except potatoes
10. I could subsist on Skittles and Starburst
11. My two baby toes are quite big because I have broken both of them, both times while drunk
12. I can't drink wine because I get way drunk way fast and my face turns beet red after one sip
13. However, I can drink me some beer
14. I have a masters degree and am a CPA
15. I am an only child
16. So I made sure I did not have an only child because it is way too lonely growing up
17. My dad is adopted
18. I met Mr. Sasha first semester of my freshman year in college
19. I was in a sorority, and served as VP my junior year
20. I can tap dance
21. I cannot do a cartwheel because I can't get that last hand off the ground
22. I tend to get semi-obsessed with weight and most likely had an eating disorder in high school
23. I am 5'2"
24. My all-time favorite TV show is Friends
25. I love reality TV
26. I speed read and never actually read all the words- usually just the first and last sentence of each paragraph
27. I freak out a little on Sunday afternoons after I read the Target, CVS and Walgreens circulars because I am overwhelmed by the deals I must take advantage of
28. I most often spend my lunch hour running errands rather than relaxing
29. I long for pretty straight hair that looks fashionable
30. Really, I just wish I was a little bit cool

Future lawyer?

The Politician is already a master negotiator, a much-needed trait of all politicians and also lawyers! I was on the debate team in high school (it was actually pretty cool, don't laugh) so he must get his skills from me.

The Scene: Friend's 4th Birthday party a local farm. In the petting zoo area. All is quiet as the kids stand around the employee for instructions.

Farm employee: "OK, I'll need everyone to wash their hands before they touch the animals."

The Politician: "Yeah, I won't be needing to wash my hands-- I won't be touching the animals."

All the parents in the room absolutely died laughing. I will add that he did wash his hands, and did end up touching a big fat bunny.

Can't Live Without

After reading Ashley's Closet this morning, I'm inspired to note my favorite things too. (Note that I have a million other things to do, being the first of the month and all and me being an accountant and all, but this looks much more fun!)



St. Ives Healthy Brilliance Renew & Glow- the best gradual tanner I've found. I absolutely love this stuff. Perfect color for me, low odor, and feels great! I first heard about this on beauty addict when she did her Fake Bake Month. I'd tried several GTs in the past- Jergens made me Oompah-Loompah-ish, and Dove absolutely smelled terrible from the get-go and made my legs streaky. But St. Ives..... love it! I haven't been able to do much sunning since the birth of my two kids, and I absolutely hate having white legs, so this is a nice compromise.



Now, when I am in the sun (when the hell is that?), I just can't use the same SPF 30 that DH uses on himself and the kids. It's good in theory, but even SPF 8 completely blocks all rays for me, and I look like I haven't even stepped outside in 10 years. So I have used Hawiian Tropic Dark Tanning Lotion SPF 4 (third from the left) for absolutely forever. I figure I'm still protecting my skin from a burn, but getting a little color so I look alive. I noticed that Monogram Momma said this is also her potion of choice. I knew I was a little bit cool.



Orville Redenbacher's Smart Pop Kettle Korn Mini Bags These are way too good. Satisfies my sweet tooth, but I don't have to waste too many WW points. (Who am I kidding, I usually stop counting mid-day.....)


My Honda Odyssey. I don't know how in the hell I crammed two kids in Britax seats in the back of an Accord for so long. The Odyssey was the best purchase we have ever made. Now, we don't have the beautiful new model shown above, but at just a few years old, ours is still nice, and the room is beyond words. I did tell Mr. Sasha that he never had to worry about me getting hit on ever again (I don't know that he worried about that anyway....) because it is so obvious that I have kids- but I don't give a damn. My minivan rocks.
Works calls.... but I'll try to add some more later.

I'm a Bad Mommy

So I lost The Wild Child at McDonald's a few Saturdays ago. I'm just now ready to talk about it. I did tell Mr. Sasha a few days later, but I'm not sure he understood the severity of the situation because if he did, he might have taken the kids and left me. Really. This is the guy who spends 45 minutes installing a car seat. A Britax. With LATCH. That should take 5 minutes, people, so that tells you the amount of time/energy he puts in to taking care of his children.

Anyway, our closest Mickey D's was just totally rebuilt, and we've been promising The Politician that we would go play soon. One Saturday Mr. Sasha was golfing, and it was (of course) raining and I had cabin fever, so I loaded up the kiddos and to Mickey D's we went. It was about 11:15, so the playroom wasn't too busy yet. We ate (actually The Wild Child and I ate and The Politician drank some hot mustard) and I let the kids loose to play. The Politician went to town in the big climbing part, and The Wild Child found the small play area on the ground for the wee ones.

A little later, I noticed the playroom getting busy, and realized I'd left all our food/bags etc on the table where we ate and there were lots of people looking for tables. I told a nice-looking young family that I'd clean our table off for them. I had one eye on The Wild Child while I did this- turned my back for ONE SECOND to pick up her backpack, turned around, and SHE WAS GONE. Seriously, GONE.

Let me back up and tell you I have the cutest little girl you've ever seen. She should be modeling (don't all moms think that???). I could so see someone snatching her up because she is absolutely precious- and so friendly. So that's all I could think- she's been STOLEN.

I immediately went towards the door that goes back into the restaurant, realizing that THERE IS NO DOOR THERE, it's just a walkway!!!!!! Kids can escape out of this place! (I'm thinking of calling the manager, but that's another post.)

So I dash into the restaurant, where there are a million people, and don't immediately see her. My heart is beating fast and I'm about to shout "AMBER ALERT!!!!", but for some reason I don't. All of the sudden, I totally see myself on the news, pleading with the general public to return my daughter to me, because she's on medication!!!! She must have it!!! Now, they don't need to know it's just reflux meds, let them think it's life sustaining!

I dash back in the playplace, because, good God, I've left The Politician in there somewhere! Now both my adorable kids are going to be snatched! I find the nice-looking girl I gave my table to, grab her arm, and tell her "You've got to help me find my daughter- in a brown shirt!!!!" I'm frantically dashing around, and she finds her, back in the little kids play area in the corner out of view.

I swear I felt sick for the rest of the day. I obviously have no business managing two kids in public......