Face: Day 3

OK, so whatever fluid was in the blisters has gone down, but the dark brown areas are still there and I am still very puffy in the area underneath my eyes. Yesterday at my meeting with our insurance carrier, the head dude was kinda looking at my like "WTF is wrong w/ her and are we having to pay for it?". So I told them what I've been telling pretty much everyone else I pass in the street, "Don't mind my face- I had some lasering done. No big."

I know the picture above sucks- it's super hard to take a pic of my face myself and although viewing screen flips around so you can see it for self-portraits, I can't figure out the damn focusing because the little box disappears. But you get the idea. Those brown spots are all over both cheeks and look worse in person actually.

During my day of beauty Wednesday I also got my hair did, and I'm wondering about the whole blonde thing. I wonder if I look better with my natural color, although last time I let it grow it people would look completely shocked when they saw me and always say "Hmmm.... You just don't look right with brown hair." So I'll look for some pics and you can tell me what you think.

New Face: Day 2 update

Well, I'm just not sure their definition of "no down time" is the same as mine. My makeup just doesn't cover these dime-size brown blisters all over my face. Seriously, I have like 6 on each cheek, and it looks pretty nasty. And also, my face is kinda swollen. Like under my eyes and stuff. And I have a meeting with some VIPs today....

Yesterday when I picked The Politician up from school, his little girlfriend A said, "Hey, your face looks weird." Yeah, yeah, I know. The price of beauty is high. Prepare yourself A, it'll be you someday.

So we'll see. These results better be earth-shattering and land me a spot in the Mrs. American contest. Actually, I'll be happy if I just don't look like I spent too much time in the sun. I have my 15 year HS reunion next month and I want to justify that "Look the Youngest" award thing.

On to other things:

This morning when getting dressed, The Politician said "My bottom is getting too big for my underwear." WTH? He has the smallest butt ever, and no way are his undies too small. In fact, if I got the next size up, they would fall off him. He is still wearing a 18 month or 2T short because his butt is so small. I don't know where he gets this shit, but it is comedy and blog material, so I'm not complaining.

Guys, You should know

At the dinner table, The Politician just told us "Guys, you should know that I'm done with dinner, you know."

Anxious and Excited

In just a few minutes, I am leaving work to go to a consultation at a medical spa. I have some super-bad hyper pigmentation on my face as a lovely souvenir of my pregnancies and wacky hormones. My BFF is going to have "pixelating" or some such done on hers, and she suggested that I make an appointment too.

While there, I am also going to ask about:

• These stupid deep lines that go from the edges of my nose to the corners of my mouth
• Some sun damage spots from worshipping the sun for way too long
• My indentation on the side of my face from forceps when I was born

So I am super excited because let me tell you, if you look closely, my skin looks way older than almost 34. And I was voted "Most Likely to Look the Youngest in 10 Years" when we graduated high school. I was also voted "Most Likely to Still Live in This Town", but I did get the hell out of Dodge, so there.

I did have fat transfer done about 6 years ago on my forceps indentation, but the doctor said one time probably wouldn't be enough. So I'll report back with what the doc says, and hopefully it won't cost a million dollars or anything crazy like that.

Edited to add: Well, evidently I have so much damage that I needed a "Photo Facial" rather than the pixel stuff. Basically, lasering off all the bad stuff. So $325 later and about 2 hours later (part of that was the wait time, not the procedure), here I am back at work looking like I am rather sunburned, and my skin kinda feel fiery. But they tell me that all the brown stuff will slough off and I will look radiant! That wasn't their exact words, but that's what I'm thinking. I totally should have taken a before shot, but you know DH can't take pictures, and every time I try to take one of myself I end up looking like an elf with a really big nose.

We decided to deal with the pigmentation stuff before tackling the lines and the dent. I swear I'm not going to go all Dr. 90210 on you, but I can totally see how whats-her-face (the porn girl on Dr. 90210) got addicted to plastic surgery. It's awfully nice to have someone tell you how pretty you are (yeah, you just want my $325) and how their quick and easy procedure is going to make you even prettier. Although I would draw the lines at Dr. Rey fondling my breasts and telling me how cute they are.

And if anyone is wondering about the pain factor, I'm not a good judge. After that failed epidural, I feel no pain. Seriously, if that was a 10 on the pain scale, nothing else I've ever experienced can even be a 1, that's how bad childbirth was. Not to scare you or anything if you are currently a pregnant mom-to-be, just be ready to raise some hell if you don't think it's working.

My 4 year old just called me "Sweetie"

Yeah, you read that right. The Politician just called me "Sweetie". He was telling me about being hungry, and I said, "Sweetie, you can't be hungry- we just ate!" And he said, "But, Sweetie, I want some ice cream!"

He is picking up everything I say and it is hilarious. He starts his sentences with "Probably" or "Actually" and he just started saying "You know" at the end of his sentences. But it's a little out of context, so that makes it even funnier. "I need my socks on, you know."

And Mr. Sasha has convinced him that "Stupid" is a bad word and The Politician gets onto me at least once a day for saying it. Isn't that stupid?

But I totally discovered he likes tostadas so that's one more thing he can eat for dinner. Score.

He also was making up words again and telling me they were Spanish today. He told me "van" in Spanish is "vano" and I really don't think that's true......

Little Mr. Bossy

The Politician's teacher stopped me this morning and said she wanted to tell me about something that happend yesterday. I was all prepared for the "your son is stripping off all his clothes before he goes to the bathroom" speech, but instead, she told me the funniest story.

Today is the big field trip to the farm. Evidentally yesterday was all about preparing for the trip and discussing rules, etc.

Anyway, at some point yesterday The Politician gathered some of the kids up and wanted to go over everything to make sure they were all clear on the rules. So she said he stood there looking just like me when I have something important to say, pointed his finger at everyone, and said stuff like, "Now remember, during the field trip, you do not turn your listening ears off. We will all wear our blue shirt, and we will all ride in our car seats."

So the story goes that I was Little Miss Bossy when I was a kid (and my friends would probably tell you I still am), and it appears the he is following in my footsteps. I'm not sure if that is a curse or not, we shall see.

Since I am short on vacation days, Mr. Sasha is driving the van and taking 3 of The Politician's friends with them to the farm. I am crushed that I am going to miss out on this car ride, cause I imagine it will be hilarious. His little girlfriend A called last night (yes, they are 4) and they chatted about the trip for about 5 seconds, until he got tired of talking on the phone and handed it to me to continue the convo. Then A asked to speak to Mr. Sasha and chatted with him about it too.

I did send the (old) camera with Mr. Sasha, but he takes crappy pictures so I doubt I will have any to post for you.

MAN TAG

MAN TAG from ClemsonGirl and The Coach:

1. Who is your man? Mr. Sasha

2. How long have you been married? Since 1999, although it's so hard to believe it's been 8 years

3. How long dated? Like in a row, without taking breaks? That's too hard... Started dating in Jan 1993 and dated off and on until we got engaged in Spring 1999

4. How old is your man? Only 3 1/2 months older than me, although he graduated a year before me

5. Who eats more? Like healthy food? He takes that one. But sugar and empty calories? I win that hands down.

6. Who said "I love you" first? I *think* it might have been me. I was so enamored seeing as how he was this big strong football player.

7. Who is taller? Mr. Sasha is 6'0" and I am a measly 5'2".

8. Who sings better? Neither of us can carry a tune in a bucket.

9. Who is smarter? That's touchy- I have more common sense, but he has more patience to learn book stuff. If I don't pick it up in 5 minutes, I can't spend any more time on it.

10. Whose temper is worse? Yeah, that'd be me. Like head-spinning-around-three-times temper with fire in my eyes. I have actually scared Mr. Sasha a few times.

11. Who does the laundry? Mr. Sasha is not allowed to do laundry after the bleaching incident of 2000.

12. Who takes out the garbage? That's a toss-up- actually we both do, but I push it out to the street on Mondays because I think he will forget if I don't do it before I leave for work.

13. Who sleeps on the right side of the bed? Wait, the right like if you are looking at the bed, or if you are laying down in it? This is the kind of question that drives Mr. Sasha crazy. If you are standing at the foot of the bed looking at it, I sleep on the right.

14. Who pays the bills? All me, since Mr. Sasha does not believe in writing down his checks, he is relegated to his own account and not allowed to touch mine (the joint account). And did I tell you he used to be a damn good financial planner? Just can't do his own finances.

15. Who is better with the computer? Mr. Sasha is just now figuring how to attach documents.

16. Who mows the lawn? I have never mowed and don't plan to. When Mr. Sasha had his car accident and arm surgery, we hired someone to do it for us. I way too dainty.

17. Who cooks dinner? I go once a month and do those freezer meal package things, and other than that we both do a little cooking.

18. Who drives when you are together? Depends on which car we are in- we each drive when in our own car usually.

19. Who pays when you go out? Since I am queen of the checkbook, normally me.

20. Who is most stubborn? Oh yeah, me again. But it's OK since I know it, right?

21. Who is the first to admit when they are wrong? Neither!

22. Whose parents do you see the most? It's probably about equal, but I don't have to go buy beer when my parents are coming over.

23. Who kissed who first? I belive the story goes that I basically climbed in his lap in the car and started kissing him. This was thanks to a little Everclear.

24. Who asked who out? He definitely asked me out. And I had to miss my favorite band to go.

25. Who proposed? Well, Mr. Sasha was being pokey about it, so I went ahead and reserved the church before he'd actually proposed. (He doesn't know that) Hey, I had to schedule it around football season!

26. Who is more sensitive? I am super-sensitive and get worried that someone is mad at me if I don't talk to them for a few days.

27. Who has more friends? I'd say me, but Mr. Sasha has a lot of friends from the days of college football, and you know how snarky girls can be.

28. Who has more siblings? Mr. Sasha has two and I have none.

29. Who wears the pants in the family? Me, of course.

And now I TAG: East Coast Girl in the Midwest

Beyond tacky

You know how sometimes at wedding or baby showers they have you fill out your own name and address on an envelope for the honoree to use for thank you notes? I think that is so tacky. I totally pisses me off to get that card in the mail that I addressed myself.

But I recently went to a baby shower that totally topped that. Not only did the do the envelope thing, they also had us write our own name and our gift in her baby book on the "Gifts" page as we entered the shower! I about died. I don't blame the shower honoree, because it was probably something the hostesses thought of. Stupid bitches.

One more quick thing

So The Politician did the "I have to strip off all my clothes to poop" thing tonight- at Mr. Sasha's sister's house. So just like I was afraid of, it's not just at home... damn. What the hell am I going to do about this- and what's behind this weirdness?

Naps

So are my kids the only ones in the world (or at least my town) who still take naps on the weekends? Because we have not one, but two, separate birthday party invitations to parties that occur during nap time during the next few weeks!!!!!!

I guess the one for The Politician I'm not that mad about, because I think some 4 year old have stopped taking naps. But The Wild Child? Who expects an almost 2 year old to not take an afternoon nap? The party is from 1:30-3:30 so I'm not sure how that's going to work, but we are going to try it. There was a flurry of emails between three of us moms with invited kids, and we all agreed that it was crazy, but the hay ride sounds fun, so what the hell. We'll throw caution to the wind.....

I do want to say, I know the reason that they are having them mid-afternoon- to avoid serving lunch or dinner. Seriously people, you can get a few $5 pizzas from Little Caesars and feed everyone- stop being so damn cheap! So I guess my kid will eat your cake at 4 pm and then boycott dinner.

Short post... I've got to go watch the reunion show for Rock of Love. (I told you, it's trashtastic!)

Daddy is home from The Big Game

So Mr. Sasha did not get home from The Big Game until after 11 pm last night, and the kids had not seen him since Friday morning, because, you know, The Big Game is a two day affair.

Anyway, I let Mr. Sasha sleep in a little since he was so kind to me after the Fall Festival and let me do the same. So The Politician was watching a little Tigger and Pooh, and The Wild Child and I were doing a puzzle (hooray for not reading the George and Bunny book!) in the living room.

When he finally woke up, Mr. Sasha was so excited to see the kids, but alas, The Politician was too into his TV.

Mr. Sasha: Hi guys! I missed you so much!

The Wild Child: Daddy!

The Politician: silence.......

Sasha: Politician, your daddy wants to give you a hug- he's excited to see you!

The Politician: But momma, can't you see I'm busy??????

Mr. Sasha was crushed, but understands the importance of not missing an epi of your favorite show.

A Good Time Was Had by All

Well, we made it! This morning when The Politician woke up at freakin 5:30 am he asked me, "Momma, is Thomas going to be there today?" I said, "Yes, of course, I promise he will be there." All the while thinking to myself, surely there's no way I'm wrong again, and if so, someone should take my kids away cause I'm no more suited to be a parent than Britney.

He had an absolute blast and it was worth the $40 for the tickets, and the $14 t-shirt, $12 Diesel 10 train, and $14 picture. Gee, that turned out to be an expensive day- and yes, I spent more than I usually would because of my screw up yesterday.

By the way, I do not have an asymmetric haircut, one side is just sort of behind The Politician's head. Just wanted to make sure you all don't think I'm living back in 1984. But isn't The Politician the cutest thing ever?

ClemsonGirl, I am happy to report that there was no petting zoo. There was a temporary tattoo tent, but The Politician is against stickers and tattoos as a general rule, so that was off limits. There was of course, the aforementioned store, there was a big tent with lots of train tables set up with various tracks and trains, and several picture-taking opportunities. A weekday is definitely the way to go, even if I did have to take a half-day of vacation.

One last note, the workers were very bored-looking teenagers, and I am wondering if it was some type of community service project as a punishment for drinking, etc. Because they were so much more into texting on their phones than into making sure the kiddos had fun. Punks.

Edited to remove pic with me in it. That shirt totally made me look fat. Sorry if you missed it.

Off to See the Wizard

Actually, The Politician and I are off to see Thomas this morning. Mr. Sasha is leaving town for The Big Game, so it was all me today. I hope that Sir Topham Hat wakes up in time and has it all ready for us.... cause The Politician might just freak out at two days in a row of disappointment.... Let's hope for the best!

Holy crap

Mr. Sasha just called me from the Thomas location- guess what? The tickets I bought online were for tomorrow, NOT today. Good Lord- I just can't get it all together.... I feel terrible, they drove all the way up there, The Politician was so excited that it was today...... Plus now Mr. Sasha is going to have to take him to school, and his teachers and everyone think he's going to Thomas today.... So they'll be all, "How was Thomas, Politician?" and he'll be all "Yeah, my momma is stupid and bought tickets for tomorrow. Thomas isn't even here today."

And the Catholics will all be laughing at me, and wondering if they should call CPS on me since I obviously can't get my shit together.

The perils of an 8-to-5 job

It's days like today that I am so jealous of Mr. Sasha. About 15 months ago, he quit his awesome job (that came with a company car, auto insurance, and unlimited gas for personal use) to start his own company. He was able to do this partly because my job is awesome and comes with free insurance coverage for the whole family.

But my awesome job also comes with a limited amount of vacation time. So here I sit with 3 months to go in the year, and only 2 1/2 days of vacation left...... Sitting at my computer at work while Mr. Sasha is taking The Politician to Day Out With Thomas. I would love to go too, but I figure I better save those vacation days in case something comes up.

Poor pitiful me. (Thanks for listening! I'll snap out of it now!)

Sasha's Laminated "List"

Disappointingly, the kiddos did not do anything really funny or interesting yesterday, other than The Politician telling me that "the red paint just jumped up on his face" when I ask him what in the world happened at school to make him look like such an urchin child. One of my friends was doing a "picture party" on Monday night from 5:30-7:30, where a photographer comes for a few hours, and families come and go and have little 15 minute photo shoots. When my friend invited us, Mr. Sasha and I had a good laugh, because our kids look like they have been running around the trailer park all day and although we bathed them the night before, you'd never know it. Seriously, we can't go anywhere after picking them up from school because they look homeless.

Anyway, with all this talk of girls crushes, I thought I'd share with you my "List" of guys, a la Friends. You know, the epi where Ross tells everybody about his "list" and how he can hook up with any of these people should the opportunity ever present itself, and Rachel can't get mad.


1. Josh Lucas. Especially in Sweet Home Alabama. Now, I was going to put Matthew McConaughey here, but I couldn't easily find a hot pic of him, so Josh, you lucky dog you, #1 is all yours.

2. Michael Vartan. In Alias, and possibly in The Curve.

3. Matthew Fox. Mr. Sasha and I used to watch Party of Five, and he did not know that for me, it was all for Foxy. And now that's he's on Lost......

4. Chuck Wicks. Hot country singer from the TV show Nashville (which I just heard got cancelled, and I am so sorry Nashville cast, it is all because I was watching and really liking your shows).

5. Alex Van Camp. Did anyone else in the whole world watch Paradise Hotel? This is absolutely my favorite reality show ever, and he is just so adorable and totally someone I would have tried to hook up with in college.

So there's my list. Laminated. So if the opportunity should ever present itself, I am sure all five would be glad to know that I'm still available for them.

Woo Hoo

So today I got linked to by my blog idol (and girl crush) Ashley! Way cool and it totally made my day. I've been commenting on her blog for a while, screaming "Notice me, notice me!" and she did!

Really, she's super cool and the reason I started blogging. When Monogram Momma linked to Ashley's blog earlier this summer, I read once and was hooked. The adventures of Big Kid and Little Kid crack me up, and it's nice to know that there's someone else out there who appreciates wit and dry humor and can find the funny in everyday situations. Ashley, thanks much for the recognition- it means a lot!

Learning Spanish

Periodically The Politician will share with me some stuff he learns in Spanish class. He goes everyday, and is actually picking up quite a lot. And Ms. Martha, his teacher, says his pronunciation is really good- and it's really cute too (that's me saying that part, although I imagine she thinks he is pretty cute too). When he was younger, he sometimes would learn the Spanish word before he learned the English word- the above picture being an example. He pointed to a horse and said "caballo" before he could say "horse".
So last night:
The Politician: says "Boom-ba" as The Wild Child is walking by
Me: Politician, don't call her names!
The Politician: Momma, it's not a bad name, it's Spanish!
Me: Hmmmmm..... What does it mean?
The Politician: Sister. And Boom-boo means brother.
Me: Really? I didn't know that.
The Politician: No, Momma. I'm just kidding! (and collapses into laughter)
So now it's kind like The Boy Who Cried Wolf... will I ever be able to trust The Politician's Spanish lessons again?

Just So You Know

I wanted to tell you how to pronounce my name. Because my mother was nutty and did not pronounce it the way most people would (Sosh-uh).

So my name is pronounced Sash-uh. Like a sash on a dress. And my family calls me Sash- and you can too!

And that is why I named my children names with only one pronounciation option. And that are easily spelled. Because I always have to spell my first and last name and it gets old. Plus I have worked at the same place for 10 years and people STILL call me Sosh-uh. But I do understand because it is a complicated name.

I justed wanted you to know in case we get to be great friends and meet up someday, or in case I get to be really famous and you hear about me on TV. I don't want you to have to say "Damn, I've been calling her Sosh-uh for 5 years!"

Mobile Homes and Eye Pokings

So last night after I watched the Rock of Love finale (so trashtastic) Mr. Sasha wanted to watch the Earl epi from Thursday. Now, I used to love Earl, but it lost a little of it's funniness last year and I was frankly very tired last night and it was 10:00 so I started it for Mr. Sasha because he is lacking in technical skills and can't figure out the Tivo remote, took off my glasses and closed my eyes. I was still listening however, so I caught the best line ever.

I know where your momma parks your house!

Tee hee. Now, I'm totally not making fun of mobile homes (well, just a little) and to puncutate that I'll tell you that my family lived in one for a year after I was born. So see, I'm not being mean.

Also, we may have to call The Politician a new name- Steel Trap. I swear, if you tell him something once or something little happens just once, he will remember it forever and bring it up when you least expect it. Background: He often accidentally pokes himself in the eye and absolutely freaks out and this lasts for hours. It may have something to do with him having blocked tear ducts as a baby and having surgery at 18 months to insert tubes around his eye lids that he had to keep in for 6 months, and a little incident that involved me having to surgically remove one of the tubes myself with him in his carseat in the driveway because he managed to pull it out a little and at the instruction of the dr I had to cut it and pull it out!

Anyway, last night before bed Mr. Sasha accidentally poked The Politician in the eye while they were reading books before bed. A wet washcloth held over the eye usually helps calm him down, and it worked last night and he went to bed just fine. But this AM when I woke him up, he said "Momma, I do not want Daddy to help me get ready for school this morning. He poked me in the eye last night and it still hurts." So I had to get a wet washcloth all over again..... Crazy kid.