Beyond tacky

You know how sometimes at wedding or baby showers they have you fill out your own name and address on an envelope for the honoree to use for thank you notes? I think that is so tacky. I totally pisses me off to get that card in the mail that I addressed myself.

But I recently went to a baby shower that totally topped that. Not only did the do the envelope thing, they also had us write our own name and our gift in her baby book on the "Gifts" page as we entered the shower! I about died. I don't blame the shower honoree, because it was probably something the hostesses thought of. Stupid bitches.

One more quick thing

So The Politician did the "I have to strip off all my clothes to poop" thing tonight- at Mr. Sasha's sister's house. So just like I was afraid of, it's not just at home... damn. What the hell am I going to do about this- and what's behind this weirdness?

Naps

So are my kids the only ones in the world (or at least my town) who still take naps on the weekends? Because we have not one, but two, separate birthday party invitations to parties that occur during nap time during the next few weeks!!!!!!

I guess the one for The Politician I'm not that mad about, because I think some 4 year old have stopped taking naps. But The Wild Child? Who expects an almost 2 year old to not take an afternoon nap? The party is from 1:30-3:30 so I'm not sure how that's going to work, but we are going to try it. There was a flurry of emails between three of us moms with invited kids, and we all agreed that it was crazy, but the hay ride sounds fun, so what the hell. We'll throw caution to the wind.....

I do want to say, I know the reason that they are having them mid-afternoon- to avoid serving lunch or dinner. Seriously people, you can get a few $5 pizzas from Little Caesars and feed everyone- stop being so damn cheap! So I guess my kid will eat your cake at 4 pm and then boycott dinner.

Short post... I've got to go watch the reunion show for Rock of Love. (I told you, it's trashtastic!)

Daddy is home from The Big Game

So Mr. Sasha did not get home from The Big Game until after 11 pm last night, and the kids had not seen him since Friday morning, because, you know, The Big Game is a two day affair.

Anyway, I let Mr. Sasha sleep in a little since he was so kind to me after the Fall Festival and let me do the same. So The Politician was watching a little Tigger and Pooh, and The Wild Child and I were doing a puzzle (hooray for not reading the George and Bunny book!) in the living room.

When he finally woke up, Mr. Sasha was so excited to see the kids, but alas, The Politician was too into his TV.

Mr. Sasha: Hi guys! I missed you so much!

The Wild Child: Daddy!

The Politician: silence.......

Sasha: Politician, your daddy wants to give you a hug- he's excited to see you!

The Politician: But momma, can't you see I'm busy??????

Mr. Sasha was crushed, but understands the importance of not missing an epi of your favorite show.

A Good Time Was Had by All

Well, we made it! This morning when The Politician woke up at freakin 5:30 am he asked me, "Momma, is Thomas going to be there today?" I said, "Yes, of course, I promise he will be there." All the while thinking to myself, surely there's no way I'm wrong again, and if so, someone should take my kids away cause I'm no more suited to be a parent than Britney.

He had an absolute blast and it was worth the $40 for the tickets, and the $14 t-shirt, $12 Diesel 10 train, and $14 picture. Gee, that turned out to be an expensive day- and yes, I spent more than I usually would because of my screw up yesterday.

By the way, I do not have an asymmetric haircut, one side is just sort of behind The Politician's head. Just wanted to make sure you all don't think I'm living back in 1984. But isn't The Politician the cutest thing ever?

ClemsonGirl, I am happy to report that there was no petting zoo. There was a temporary tattoo tent, but The Politician is against stickers and tattoos as a general rule, so that was off limits. There was of course, the aforementioned store, there was a big tent with lots of train tables set up with various tracks and trains, and several picture-taking opportunities. A weekday is definitely the way to go, even if I did have to take a half-day of vacation.

One last note, the workers were very bored-looking teenagers, and I am wondering if it was some type of community service project as a punishment for drinking, etc. Because they were so much more into texting on their phones than into making sure the kiddos had fun. Punks.

Edited to remove pic with me in it. That shirt totally made me look fat. Sorry if you missed it.

Off to See the Wizard

Actually, The Politician and I are off to see Thomas this morning. Mr. Sasha is leaving town for The Big Game, so it was all me today. I hope that Sir Topham Hat wakes up in time and has it all ready for us.... cause The Politician might just freak out at two days in a row of disappointment.... Let's hope for the best!

Holy crap

Mr. Sasha just called me from the Thomas location- guess what? The tickets I bought online were for tomorrow, NOT today. Good Lord- I just can't get it all together.... I feel terrible, they drove all the way up there, The Politician was so excited that it was today...... Plus now Mr. Sasha is going to have to take him to school, and his teachers and everyone think he's going to Thomas today.... So they'll be all, "How was Thomas, Politician?" and he'll be all "Yeah, my momma is stupid and bought tickets for tomorrow. Thomas isn't even here today."

And the Catholics will all be laughing at me, and wondering if they should call CPS on me since I obviously can't get my shit together.

The perils of an 8-to-5 job

It's days like today that I am so jealous of Mr. Sasha. About 15 months ago, he quit his awesome job (that came with a company car, auto insurance, and unlimited gas for personal use) to start his own company. He was able to do this partly because my job is awesome and comes with free insurance coverage for the whole family.

But my awesome job also comes with a limited amount of vacation time. So here I sit with 3 months to go in the year, and only 2 1/2 days of vacation left...... Sitting at my computer at work while Mr. Sasha is taking The Politician to Day Out With Thomas. I would love to go too, but I figure I better save those vacation days in case something comes up.

Poor pitiful me. (Thanks for listening! I'll snap out of it now!)

Sasha's Laminated "List"

Disappointingly, the kiddos did not do anything really funny or interesting yesterday, other than The Politician telling me that "the red paint just jumped up on his face" when I ask him what in the world happened at school to make him look like such an urchin child. One of my friends was doing a "picture party" on Monday night from 5:30-7:30, where a photographer comes for a few hours, and families come and go and have little 15 minute photo shoots. When my friend invited us, Mr. Sasha and I had a good laugh, because our kids look like they have been running around the trailer park all day and although we bathed them the night before, you'd never know it. Seriously, we can't go anywhere after picking them up from school because they look homeless.

Anyway, with all this talk of girls crushes, I thought I'd share with you my "List" of guys, a la Friends. You know, the epi where Ross tells everybody about his "list" and how he can hook up with any of these people should the opportunity ever present itself, and Rachel can't get mad.


1. Josh Lucas. Especially in Sweet Home Alabama. Now, I was going to put Matthew McConaughey here, but I couldn't easily find a hot pic of him, so Josh, you lucky dog you, #1 is all yours.

2. Michael Vartan. In Alias, and possibly in The Curve.

3. Matthew Fox. Mr. Sasha and I used to watch Party of Five, and he did not know that for me, it was all for Foxy. And now that's he's on Lost......

4. Chuck Wicks. Hot country singer from the TV show Nashville (which I just heard got cancelled, and I am so sorry Nashville cast, it is all because I was watching and really liking your shows).

5. Alex Van Camp. Did anyone else in the whole world watch Paradise Hotel? This is absolutely my favorite reality show ever, and he is just so adorable and totally someone I would have tried to hook up with in college.

So there's my list. Laminated. So if the opportunity should ever present itself, I am sure all five would be glad to know that I'm still available for them.

Woo Hoo

So today I got linked to by my blog idol (and girl crush) Ashley! Way cool and it totally made my day. I've been commenting on her blog for a while, screaming "Notice me, notice me!" and she did!

Really, she's super cool and the reason I started blogging. When Monogram Momma linked to Ashley's blog earlier this summer, I read once and was hooked. The adventures of Big Kid and Little Kid crack me up, and it's nice to know that there's someone else out there who appreciates wit and dry humor and can find the funny in everyday situations. Ashley, thanks much for the recognition- it means a lot!

Learning Spanish

Periodically The Politician will share with me some stuff he learns in Spanish class. He goes everyday, and is actually picking up quite a lot. And Ms. Martha, his teacher, says his pronunciation is really good- and it's really cute too (that's me saying that part, although I imagine she thinks he is pretty cute too). When he was younger, he sometimes would learn the Spanish word before he learned the English word- the above picture being an example. He pointed to a horse and said "caballo" before he could say "horse".
So last night:
The Politician: says "Boom-ba" as The Wild Child is walking by
Me: Politician, don't call her names!
The Politician: Momma, it's not a bad name, it's Spanish!
Me: Hmmmmm..... What does it mean?
The Politician: Sister. And Boom-boo means brother.
Me: Really? I didn't know that.
The Politician: No, Momma. I'm just kidding! (and collapses into laughter)
So now it's kind like The Boy Who Cried Wolf... will I ever be able to trust The Politician's Spanish lessons again?

Just So You Know

I wanted to tell you how to pronounce my name. Because my mother was nutty and did not pronounce it the way most people would (Sosh-uh).

So my name is pronounced Sash-uh. Like a sash on a dress. And my family calls me Sash- and you can too!

And that is why I named my children names with only one pronounciation option. And that are easily spelled. Because I always have to spell my first and last name and it gets old. Plus I have worked at the same place for 10 years and people STILL call me Sosh-uh. But I do understand because it is a complicated name.

I justed wanted you to know in case we get to be great friends and meet up someday, or in case I get to be really famous and you hear about me on TV. I don't want you to have to say "Damn, I've been calling her Sosh-uh for 5 years!"

Mobile Homes and Eye Pokings

So last night after I watched the Rock of Love finale (so trashtastic) Mr. Sasha wanted to watch the Earl epi from Thursday. Now, I used to love Earl, but it lost a little of it's funniness last year and I was frankly very tired last night and it was 10:00 so I started it for Mr. Sasha because he is lacking in technical skills and can't figure out the Tivo remote, took off my glasses and closed my eyes. I was still listening however, so I caught the best line ever.

I know where your momma parks your house!

Tee hee. Now, I'm totally not making fun of mobile homes (well, just a little) and to puncutate that I'll tell you that my family lived in one for a year after I was born. So see, I'm not being mean.

Also, we may have to call The Politician a new name- Steel Trap. I swear, if you tell him something once or something little happens just once, he will remember it forever and bring it up when you least expect it. Background: He often accidentally pokes himself in the eye and absolutely freaks out and this lasts for hours. It may have something to do with him having blocked tear ducts as a baby and having surgery at 18 months to insert tubes around his eye lids that he had to keep in for 6 months, and a little incident that involved me having to surgically remove one of the tubes myself with him in his carseat in the driveway because he managed to pull it out a little and at the instruction of the dr I had to cut it and pull it out!

Anyway, last night before bed Mr. Sasha accidentally poked The Politician in the eye while they were reading books before bed. A wet washcloth held over the eye usually helps calm him down, and it worked last night and he went to bed just fine. But this AM when I woke him up, he said "Momma, I do not want Daddy to help me get ready for school this morning. He poked me in the eye last night and it still hurts." So I had to get a wet washcloth all over again..... Crazy kid.

The Benefits of Hearing Aids

So MIL is supposed to wear hearing aids, but she doesn't, or else they don't work because the following exchange took place on the phone this AM.

The Politician: Hi DD!

MIL: Hi Politician! Do you know where Papa and I are? (the are on a vacay)

The Politician: Colorado!

MIL: You caught a rabbit! Wow- that's so exciting- tell me all about it!

The Politician: ???????

What's at the top of my Season Pass list?

The Office of course!

Now, some of my friends just don't "get" the humor. But Mr. Sasha and I do, so much that we often have to pause the show because we are laughing so hard.
Our favorite quotes from last night:
"Has Roy ever killed your cat?"

"I'm not superstitious, but I'm a little stitious."

"There's no such thing as a rabies doctor."

"Support the Rabid."

Holy crap.... that's some good stuff. Reminds me of the first two seasons of Arrested Development. But I will admit, you either get it or you don't. I was glad to find out that the Lexapro hasn't affected the humor I appreciate, although I still think I am less snarky.

Candy Emergency

The other night the fam went to Sam's to get snacks for The Politician's snack week (yeah, yeah, I know, I'm against it by principle, but I don't have a choice). I walked by the candy aisle quickly as I normally do so as not to be tempted. But those MF-ers had put something so yummy looking on the endcap- Cheesecake Hershey Kisses. I resisted, but I have to admit that I have thought about them for 2 days and all of the sudden about 1 pm today I just couldn't take it anymore.

I actually thought I might have made them up, because I googled them and found no reference. Even the Hershey's website did not have them listed under products. And I posted on BBC and no one else had heard of them. So I thought maybe the Lexapro was making me see things.

So I snuck out of work, drove to Sam's, and yeah, they exist. So of course I bought them. And they are good. Damn......

Speaking of Where's Waldo...

Holy crap- speaking of Where's Waldo, I have the greatest story ever. Well, maybe if you're not in my sorority, it won't make a lot of sense, but hey, you never know, the humor may translate anyway.
So it's about Summer 1995 and a few of us from our local chapter are at the National Convention. Each year at the National Convention they have a "Model Initiation" ceremony to initiate some special pledge who is about a triple legacy and a super-duper student and probably a goody-two-shoes to boot. In order to attend this ceremony (and probably 500 people attend) you must wear ALL WHITE.
So here we are, sitting in Model Initiation, being serious (as we are expected to be), and all of the sudden my sorority sister next to me whispers, "Where's Waldo?" I'm like, "What???" And she says it again and points across the room.
There, in a sea of white, is an older lady in a turquoise blazer! WTH???? Who let her in?
So we are dying laughing, and everyone around us catches on, and starts laughing too, and really, the two of us are probably still known at headquarters as the girls who ruined model initiation at Convention 95.
I will say they never did ask for my pin back, and I was cleared to be an advisor for another chapter from 2001-2006, so maybe it is all forgotten, but OMG it was simply hilarious.

Shopping list

Almost forgot the best tidbit about the Festival..... the shopping list from the Knights of Columbus, who so awesomely did the cooking for our spaghetti dinner. Here's an email that lists their requested shopping list. As sort of a "Where's Waldo?" for you, see if you can spot the interesting items.

Hello All, I am planning on doing the shopping Wednesday evening. Here is the list so far. Please add or make changes if needed:
Plates( plastic/sturdy ones due to the messy spaghetti)
Garlic
Oregano
Basil
Fresh pigs feet (I know, I know)
Pork neck bones ...again, I'm sure it will be delicious :)
Italian meat balls ( 2 per person)
Spaghetti noodles - thin #9 noodles per Tom
Onions
Bread sticks
Hotdogs
Hotdog buns
Big bags of potato chips
Salad ( premade?? or should we make it??)
Lemonade
Cans of Diet coke/ Dr. Pepper/ Sprite
How many 2 liters do we need for the ring toss?
* Also, we will check and see if we already have mustard and ketchup*

Home from the festival

So I'm home from the kids' school Fall Festival, which is the big fundraiser for the year. I believe we made a ton of money, and I'm about to count it. But I do want to tell you that I am worn out and it's frustrating that more parents aren't willing to help.

Two things:

After the festival was over, I discovered that we served skunky Diet Coke (it expired Dec 25, 2006!!!!) and we had a TON of homemade caramel popcorn left (and I so forgot to grab some on my way out). I also took the family photos at the photo booth, and I'm no photographer, but no one else volunteered. I may have to offer refunds........

This is not good

So last night The Politician tells me he needs to go poop. I usually go in there and finish up the housekeeping portion of the task.

Anyway, as I am going through my bedroom into the bathroom, I see a trail of clothes. First shorts, then undies, then a shirt. Now, I'm totally used to the shorts and undies coming off, seems he can do his business best with nothing binding around his legs. But the shirt..... why in the world is that off?

Sasha: Politician, I see you've taken off your shirt. What's that all about?

Politician: Momma, I always take all my clothes off before I go poop.

Sasha: Well, what about at school? Do you take all your clothes off there too? (Something I admit I never thought about.....)

Politician: Of course!

Oh good lord, so he's taking off all his clothes in the boys bathroom, probably leaving them by the door. One of these days, I'm so going to call a call from the Catholics.