The Sasha Family Alarm System

This isn't going to win me the Mom of The Year Award (and not that I thought I was a contender anyway), but the above photo is a pic of my living room. Since I can't convince anyone that it's fun to clean up (Laurie Berkner, you lie!) we just pretty much leave it this way until every other Tuesday night when we frantically clean up before our housekeeper comes to do a once over and stir up some dust. She just came yesterday and it already looks like this again.

I justify it by telling myself that it's our alarm system. If anyone dared to break into our house in the dark, we would quickly be awoken by their screams because they would break their neck tripping over toys. So see, I'm saving money. Isn't that the goal of any good bargain hunting mom?

OMG- I am linked to on the Wall Street Journal!

OK, so it's only a link at the bottom of a press release, but isn't that nutty????? I love the WSJ and even won the WSJ Student Achievement award when I was a senior in college as a finance student. I have a cool paperweight to show for it.

Click here to check it out. It's under the "Blog posts about this topic" heading after the press release text.

And yeah, I know it's some automatically generated link thing- but I still feel just a little bit cool.

I am a little cool right?

T shirts

I went yesterday to pick up my t shirt from a 5K I ran in a few weeks back, and I was really disappointed that it was a yucky color. It was kinda latte. Very blah. See, I'm trying to get more cool Ts in size small, because all I have from college are XLs.

I should tell you that I am 5'2" and very small framed. WTH was I thinking getting XLs in college? Every time we would have a sorority date party, I'd order 2 XLs: one for me and one for my 6'0" 185 pound football player boyfriend. You know that was the style in the early 90s- big Ts with the sleeves rolled up. Nutty. And ugly. Why didn't someone tell us? Wait, we also wore Mia shoes and cut-off daisy dukes, and Doc sandals. Crazy how much fashion changes in just a few years.

When I was a sorority advisor a few years back, at a pledge meeting they had the girls answer roll at the first pledge meeting by stating their t shirt size so they would have on record how many of each size to order. Out of 95 girls, all but one said "small", and one poor bigger girl sheepishly said "medium". She really needed a large, but was afraid to say it.

So here's hoping that the Junior Leaguers design better shirts for their run coming up. Surely there's some SAHM with a fashion degree with some time on her hands who can design it. Cute shirt.... cute shirt. Say it with me.

Face Update: Day 7

Finally! I've been try to upload these damn things since lunchtime, but blogger was being snarky. Anyway, here they are. The right side of my face is looking awesome and I just have a few small scabs left (ignore the hint of the double chin please). The left side is where my biggest spots were and they are still pretty scabby. Hopefully by the weekend, I'll be back to normal.

I think I'm going to have to go back and see some spots touched up, but overall I am very pleased. The last epi of Dr. 90210 was about a 37 year old who used to be on Baywatch having a chemical peel to remove sun damage, so I am pretty excited to watch that since that was my other option. Maybe I will still do that... but I think I needed the lasering to get rid of the really bad spots.

A few things

1. Wade Robson, you scare me. Anytime I see a routine you choreograph, I have to change the channel because I will have a nightmare. It's the music you choose, the strange makeup, and the funky dancing- all of it. I just don't like it. Get off my shows.
2. Mr. Sasha, please learn about the concept of time. When I am in a hurry in the AM, please don't decide that you need to spend 8 minutes re-threading the laces in The Politician's new shoes, because seriously, I put those shoes on him last night to go to the mall, and the laces were fine. Also, if you tell me you will run to the kitchen to get The Wild Child's milk, please don't stop to check your CrackBerry. Email can totally wait until your spawn's thirst has been quenched.
3. Doctor who lasered my face, you rock! Now that the scabs are coming off and I am starting to look more normal and less like I have a communicable disease, I totally think the $325 you charged me is going to be worth it! An offshoot of this is that I will probably be seeing for you for a lot of stuff, especially if you continue to send me emails with offers of 50% off of various procedures. If I start to look like Tabitha Stevens, though, you must stop me.
4. Hershey Company, stop it. Why in the world would you start selling your Christmas candy now? I was all prepared to start eating the Candy Cane and Cherry Cordial kisses in November, but October? You are just a money whore and it's pissing me and my weight loss off.
OK, I think that'll do it- have a super day! If the sun ever comes out, I will try to take a pic of my face so you can see the progress. I finally figured out that my camera focuses much better on macro if I don't use the flash.

Pipe dream

Yesterday I entered some photos of the kids in the Gap photo contest. Now, I have no disillusions- although I personally think my kids are pretty cute (what mom doesn't?) I know that there's probably absolutely no chance that they would win. But just for fun, why not?

I entered this one of The Wild Child because I think it's attention-grabbing and she's kinda saying "You better pick me!".

Isn't The Politician just dreamy? Yeah, that's mom speaking again. He has a mild case of plagiocephaly, so hats and sunglasses don't always sit right on his head (actually I think it's a little sideways because he did that on purpose this time), but damn, I could just eat him with a spoon he's so cute. And yeah, I know this pic is a little out of focus, I'm really just as crappy of a photographer as Mr. Sasha.

If this were last year, I would totally enter this shot of The Wild Child. Look at those eyelashes and that cleft in her chin! Such a sweet baby, you'd have never believed she about sent me over the edge and caused some major marital problems.

So wish the Sasha family well, and don't you dare enter your kids and beat us!

TV update

Mr. Sasha and I are very different in some ways- he loves sports and I really couldn't give a damn unless I personally know someone who is playing. When he was playing college football, and the team won the National Championship, I was so excited for him and all his friends and went to every game, even the far away out-of-state games. I was the team's biggest fan. But if I don't know anyone playing, I get super-bored. So, yeah, that's out there now. I really don't like football. Feels better.

And me, I love me some reality TV and Mr. Sasha thinks it's a stupid waste of time. I also love ice skating and I don't think he ever forgive me for dragging him to Stars on Ice. Get over it already.

Anyway, one thing we have the same taste in is TV drama. Amazingly, we love all the same shows. Seriously, all the same shows. It's phenomenal.

So this year we are watching two new (one is just new to us) dramas.


Why we didn't watch Friday Night Lights last year, I don't know. Oh wait, I do. It's because we didn't watch any TV because The Wild Child was going to be the death of us since SHE NEVER SLEPT and cried all the time. At one point I told Mr. Sasha that if I didn't need his help so much, I'd ask him to leave. That's how bad it all was. Crazy how much difference a year makes.

A friend at work raves about this show and since Mr. Sasha lurves football, I thought we'd give it a try. We love it! Now one interesting thing is that this show is quite different from the book it was spun off from, which just happens to be one of the two books Mr. Sasha has ever read. (The other book is Bootlegger's Boy.) Interesting tidbit: We personally know one of the guys profiled in the book- we went to college with him and he married one of my sorority sisters.

I know Mr. Sasha has big dreams of The Politician following in Mr. Sasha and all of his relatives' footsteps and playing college ball. I'm just not sure it's in the cards for a little guy who is less than the 20 percentile for weight.... I think he's going to take after my side of the family and my dad is only 5'7". I do have plans for The Politician to start running with me and set some records here in the next few years. My friend's little boy just beat the town 2nd grade 1 mile record, and we can totally take him.

The other new one is Dirty Sexy Money. It's delicious! The whole ring tone thing is hilarious and I always dig cheeky humor. What a f-ed up family and it totally makes me glad I'm not loaded- money just comes with problems, and I certainly don't have any extra time to deal with problems, we all know that.

So WTH did I do to my face?

You know, I did not explain what I did to my face very well.

Here is the description from the literature I got from the doctor: "A Photofacial is actually a series of gentle (bullshit) pulsed light treatments that dramatically improve your skin's appearance by eliminating minor imperfections using Intense Pulse Light technology."

Yeah, so basically lasering. We started with one machine, and at one point, they had me switch rooms to use a different laser to zap the blood vessels around my nose. Then I went back to the original machine and they said they need to switch to the "V laser" to do the really dark hyperpigmentatin spots, which I can only assume stands for "Very Bad". But seriously, it really didn't hurt and was not uncomfortable at all.

The literature says you are a candidate for Photofacial if you have: broken capillaries, unwanted freckles, acne scars, sun spots, large pores, dark circles under your eyes, rosacea, and generally just have crappy skin that makes you look older than you are (I added that last one).

No photo update today because it basically looks the same. Hopefully tomorrow it will look better and I'll post a pic. It sure better look better by Saturday because I have a wedding and reception to go to that will be sort of swanky and I don't want to look like I have flesh-eating bacteria while there.

Face Update: Day 4

So my face is looking a little better. Definitely less swollen under my eyes. We are fixing to go to a tailgate thing that most of Mr. Sasha's family will be at, so I know I'll have to explain myself a million times and I'm starting to feel vain. Was it nutty to have sun damage lasered off? I really didn't think it was, but I am starting to doubt myself.

Today's funny: The Politician just told us he wanted catfish for lunch. Catfish? WTH? I've never cooked cafish. I refuse to cook anything that swims in my house because of the after-smell. So he is now eating a mini chicken sandwich.

Also, I ran OUTSIDE today, which I never do. I ran my route from a few years ago that I used to run before training for my first 5K. I wasn't sure how long it was, but I was pretty sure it was about 3 miles, and I finished so fast, I was pumped- like I am Olympic bound! I did get in my car and drive it out a bit ago, and turns out it's just under 2 miles. Bummer.

Mr. Sasha might just be a photographer after all

The day at the farm was lots of fun and to my surprise, Mr. Sasha actually took some good photos. I sent him with the old crappy camera (the display doesn't even work, so you can't even see if your picture took) because I don't trust him with the $280 camera.

Although The Politician did decide that this time he would try touching the animals, he balked at touching the above pig, who evidently was emitting some terrible groaning. The Politician said "Daddy, I am not touching that pig because it looks like something is wrong with him!" Smart kid.

Big thanks to my friend Kristin for blurring out the words on The Politician's t-shirt. Can't have any crazies doing FBI style detective work and coming to find us!

Hair: Blonde or Brown

Now, I reserve the right to delete these at any time, so comment away quick and let me know what hair color suits me better. The top pic is colored (pic taken summer 06 when The Wild Child was about 7 months old), and the bottom pic is my natural color (taken TG 05 before The Wild Child was born). I did the Kelly Ripa thing and let it grow out while I was pregnant, just because I was too lazy to get it done. I know I look like shit in the bottom pic, but I was not enjoying my pregnancy and had just been put on bedrest for PIH. That'll piss anyone off.

Now, I don't go back for a hair appt until Nov 20-something, so I won't be doing anything before then, but I'd like some honest opinions on what suits me best. Ignore the big belly and squinty eyes in the pregnancy pic and don't let that influcence your decision.

Face: Day 3

OK, so whatever fluid was in the blisters has gone down, but the dark brown areas are still there and I am still very puffy in the area underneath my eyes. Yesterday at my meeting with our insurance carrier, the head dude was kinda looking at my like "WTF is wrong w/ her and are we having to pay for it?". So I told them what I've been telling pretty much everyone else I pass in the street, "Don't mind my face- I had some lasering done. No big."

I know the picture above sucks- it's super hard to take a pic of my face myself and although viewing screen flips around so you can see it for self-portraits, I can't figure out the damn focusing because the little box disappears. But you get the idea. Those brown spots are all over both cheeks and look worse in person actually.

During my day of beauty Wednesday I also got my hair did, and I'm wondering about the whole blonde thing. I wonder if I look better with my natural color, although last time I let it grow it people would look completely shocked when they saw me and always say "Hmmm.... You just don't look right with brown hair." So I'll look for some pics and you can tell me what you think.

New Face: Day 2 update

Well, I'm just not sure their definition of "no down time" is the same as mine. My makeup just doesn't cover these dime-size brown blisters all over my face. Seriously, I have like 6 on each cheek, and it looks pretty nasty. And also, my face is kinda swollen. Like under my eyes and stuff. And I have a meeting with some VIPs today....

Yesterday when I picked The Politician up from school, his little girlfriend A said, "Hey, your face looks weird." Yeah, yeah, I know. The price of beauty is high. Prepare yourself A, it'll be you someday.

So we'll see. These results better be earth-shattering and land me a spot in the Mrs. American contest. Actually, I'll be happy if I just don't look like I spent too much time in the sun. I have my 15 year HS reunion next month and I want to justify that "Look the Youngest" award thing.

On to other things:

This morning when getting dressed, The Politician said "My bottom is getting too big for my underwear." WTH? He has the smallest butt ever, and no way are his undies too small. In fact, if I got the next size up, they would fall off him. He is still wearing a 18 month or 2T short because his butt is so small. I don't know where he gets this shit, but it is comedy and blog material, so I'm not complaining.

Guys, You should know

At the dinner table, The Politician just told us "Guys, you should know that I'm done with dinner, you know."

Anxious and Excited

In just a few minutes, I am leaving work to go to a consultation at a medical spa. I have some super-bad hyper pigmentation on my face as a lovely souvenir of my pregnancies and wacky hormones. My BFF is going to have "pixelating" or some such done on hers, and she suggested that I make an appointment too.

While there, I am also going to ask about:

• These stupid deep lines that go from the edges of my nose to the corners of my mouth
• Some sun damage spots from worshipping the sun for way too long
• My indentation on the side of my face from forceps when I was born

So I am super excited because let me tell you, if you look closely, my skin looks way older than almost 34. And I was voted "Most Likely to Look the Youngest in 10 Years" when we graduated high school. I was also voted "Most Likely to Still Live in This Town", but I did get the hell out of Dodge, so there.

I did have fat transfer done about 6 years ago on my forceps indentation, but the doctor said one time probably wouldn't be enough. So I'll report back with what the doc says, and hopefully it won't cost a million dollars or anything crazy like that.

Edited to add: Well, evidently I have so much damage that I needed a "Photo Facial" rather than the pixel stuff. Basically, lasering off all the bad stuff. So $325 later and about 2 hours later (part of that was the wait time, not the procedure), here I am back at work looking like I am rather sunburned, and my skin kinda feel fiery. But they tell me that all the brown stuff will slough off and I will look radiant! That wasn't their exact words, but that's what I'm thinking. I totally should have taken a before shot, but you know DH can't take pictures, and every time I try to take one of myself I end up looking like an elf with a really big nose.

We decided to deal with the pigmentation stuff before tackling the lines and the dent. I swear I'm not going to go all Dr. 90210 on you, but I can totally see how whats-her-face (the porn girl on Dr. 90210) got addicted to plastic surgery. It's awfully nice to have someone tell you how pretty you are (yeah, you just want my $325) and how their quick and easy procedure is going to make you even prettier. Although I would draw the lines at Dr. Rey fondling my breasts and telling me how cute they are.

And if anyone is wondering about the pain factor, I'm not a good judge. After that failed epidural, I feel no pain. Seriously, if that was a 10 on the pain scale, nothing else I've ever experienced can even be a 1, that's how bad childbirth was. Not to scare you or anything if you are currently a pregnant mom-to-be, just be ready to raise some hell if you don't think it's working.

My 4 year old just called me "Sweetie"

Yeah, you read that right. The Politician just called me "Sweetie". He was telling me about being hungry, and I said, "Sweetie, you can't be hungry- we just ate!" And he said, "But, Sweetie, I want some ice cream!"

He is picking up everything I say and it is hilarious. He starts his sentences with "Probably" or "Actually" and he just started saying "You know" at the end of his sentences. But it's a little out of context, so that makes it even funnier. "I need my socks on, you know."

And Mr. Sasha has convinced him that "Stupid" is a bad word and The Politician gets onto me at least once a day for saying it. Isn't that stupid?

But I totally discovered he likes tostadas so that's one more thing he can eat for dinner. Score.

He also was making up words again and telling me they were Spanish today. He told me "van" in Spanish is "vano" and I really don't think that's true......

Little Mr. Bossy

The Politician's teacher stopped me this morning and said she wanted to tell me about something that happend yesterday. I was all prepared for the "your son is stripping off all his clothes before he goes to the bathroom" speech, but instead, she told me the funniest story.

Today is the big field trip to the farm. Evidentally yesterday was all about preparing for the trip and discussing rules, etc.

Anyway, at some point yesterday The Politician gathered some of the kids up and wanted to go over everything to make sure they were all clear on the rules. So she said he stood there looking just like me when I have something important to say, pointed his finger at everyone, and said stuff like, "Now remember, during the field trip, you do not turn your listening ears off. We will all wear our blue shirt, and we will all ride in our car seats."

So the story goes that I was Little Miss Bossy when I was a kid (and my friends would probably tell you I still am), and it appears the he is following in my footsteps. I'm not sure if that is a curse or not, we shall see.

Since I am short on vacation days, Mr. Sasha is driving the van and taking 3 of The Politician's friends with them to the farm. I am crushed that I am going to miss out on this car ride, cause I imagine it will be hilarious. His little girlfriend A called last night (yes, they are 4) and they chatted about the trip for about 5 seconds, until he got tired of talking on the phone and handed it to me to continue the convo. Then A asked to speak to Mr. Sasha and chatted with him about it too.

I did send the (old) camera with Mr. Sasha, but he takes crappy pictures so I doubt I will have any to post for you.

MAN TAG

MAN TAG from ClemsonGirl and The Coach:

1. Who is your man? Mr. Sasha

2. How long have you been married? Since 1999, although it's so hard to believe it's been 8 years

3. How long dated? Like in a row, without taking breaks? That's too hard... Started dating in Jan 1993 and dated off and on until we got engaged in Spring 1999

4. How old is your man? Only 3 1/2 months older than me, although he graduated a year before me

5. Who eats more? Like healthy food? He takes that one. But sugar and empty calories? I win that hands down.

6. Who said "I love you" first? I *think* it might have been me. I was so enamored seeing as how he was this big strong football player.

7. Who is taller? Mr. Sasha is 6'0" and I am a measly 5'2".

8. Who sings better? Neither of us can carry a tune in a bucket.

9. Who is smarter? That's touchy- I have more common sense, but he has more patience to learn book stuff. If I don't pick it up in 5 minutes, I can't spend any more time on it.

10. Whose temper is worse? Yeah, that'd be me. Like head-spinning-around-three-times temper with fire in my eyes. I have actually scared Mr. Sasha a few times.

11. Who does the laundry? Mr. Sasha is not allowed to do laundry after the bleaching incident of 2000.

12. Who takes out the garbage? That's a toss-up- actually we both do, but I push it out to the street on Mondays because I think he will forget if I don't do it before I leave for work.

13. Who sleeps on the right side of the bed? Wait, the right like if you are looking at the bed, or if you are laying down in it? This is the kind of question that drives Mr. Sasha crazy. If you are standing at the foot of the bed looking at it, I sleep on the right.

14. Who pays the bills? All me, since Mr. Sasha does not believe in writing down his checks, he is relegated to his own account and not allowed to touch mine (the joint account). And did I tell you he used to be a damn good financial planner? Just can't do his own finances.

15. Who is better with the computer? Mr. Sasha is just now figuring how to attach documents.

16. Who mows the lawn? I have never mowed and don't plan to. When Mr. Sasha had his car accident and arm surgery, we hired someone to do it for us. I way too dainty.

17. Who cooks dinner? I go once a month and do those freezer meal package things, and other than that we both do a little cooking.

18. Who drives when you are together? Depends on which car we are in- we each drive when in our own car usually.

19. Who pays when you go out? Since I am queen of the checkbook, normally me.

20. Who is most stubborn? Oh yeah, me again. But it's OK since I know it, right?

21. Who is the first to admit when they are wrong? Neither!

22. Whose parents do you see the most? It's probably about equal, but I don't have to go buy beer when my parents are coming over.

23. Who kissed who first? I belive the story goes that I basically climbed in his lap in the car and started kissing him. This was thanks to a little Everclear.

24. Who asked who out? He definitely asked me out. And I had to miss my favorite band to go.

25. Who proposed? Well, Mr. Sasha was being pokey about it, so I went ahead and reserved the church before he'd actually proposed. (He doesn't know that) Hey, I had to schedule it around football season!

26. Who is more sensitive? I am super-sensitive and get worried that someone is mad at me if I don't talk to them for a few days.

27. Who has more friends? I'd say me, but Mr. Sasha has a lot of friends from the days of college football, and you know how snarky girls can be.

28. Who has more siblings? Mr. Sasha has two and I have none.

29. Who wears the pants in the family? Me, of course.

And now I TAG: East Coast Girl in the Midwest

Beyond tacky

You know how sometimes at wedding or baby showers they have you fill out your own name and address on an envelope for the honoree to use for thank you notes? I think that is so tacky. I totally pisses me off to get that card in the mail that I addressed myself.

But I recently went to a baby shower that totally topped that. Not only did the do the envelope thing, they also had us write our own name and our gift in her baby book on the "Gifts" page as we entered the shower! I about died. I don't blame the shower honoree, because it was probably something the hostesses thought of. Stupid bitches.

One more quick thing

So The Politician did the "I have to strip off all my clothes to poop" thing tonight- at Mr. Sasha's sister's house. So just like I was afraid of, it's not just at home... damn. What the hell am I going to do about this- and what's behind this weirdness?