Home from the festival

So I'm home from the kids' school Fall Festival, which is the big fundraiser for the year. I believe we made a ton of money, and I'm about to count it. But I do want to tell you that I am worn out and it's frustrating that more parents aren't willing to help.

Two things:

After the festival was over, I discovered that we served skunky Diet Coke (it expired Dec 25, 2006!!!!) and we had a TON of homemade caramel popcorn left (and I so forgot to grab some on my way out). I also took the family photos at the photo booth, and I'm no photographer, but no one else volunteered. I may have to offer refunds........

This is not good

So last night The Politician tells me he needs to go poop. I usually go in there and finish up the housekeeping portion of the task.

Anyway, as I am going through my bedroom into the bathroom, I see a trail of clothes. First shorts, then undies, then a shirt. Now, I'm totally used to the shorts and undies coming off, seems he can do his business best with nothing binding around his legs. But the shirt..... why in the world is that off?

Sasha: Politician, I see you've taken off your shirt. What's that all about?

Politician: Momma, I always take all my clothes off before I go poop.

Sasha: Well, what about at school? Do you take all your clothes off there too? (Something I admit I never thought about.....)

Politician: Of course!

Oh good lord, so he's taking off all his clothes in the boys bathroom, probably leaving them by the door. One of these days, I'm so going to call a call from the Catholics.

Public spectacle at SDC

Mr. Sasha and I decided to take a spur of the moment vacay last week so packed up everything we owned (at least that's what it looked like) and we hopped in the van and went to Brason, MO to take the kids to Silver Dollar City.

A good time was had by all. All except for about 1:00 pm on Friday, when The Politician took a spill and scraped up his right elbow. Being The Best Mom Ever, and oh-so-prepared, I whipped out a first aid kit from my Kecci Mommy bag and used the antiseptic wipe to clean the wound and slapped a band-aid on there. But did I ever tell you that The Politician can be quite dramatic? He claimed that the band-aid was hurting him, shouting, "Please take it off Momma! Please don't make me wear a band-aid!" You'd think I was asking him to wear a pink and purple striped dress!

Anyway, Mr. Sasha took him aside and tried to calm him down, and they ended up in the above chair, and we all figured out that The Politician was really just over-tired and needed a nap. So Mr. Sasha said he would just stay in said chair and let The Politician sleep a little. The Wild Child and I took off on a walk to see what we could see. About 30 minutes later I came back, and I found Mr. Sasha and The Politician BOTH asleep.

But the funniest part is that there were about 10 people standing around, taking pictures of them. Now WTF are those people going to do with those pictures??????

The new phone books are here! The new phone books are here!

No, really, I'm kidding... but the Fall Preview TV Guide is here! I know that I'm the lamest person in the world because I read TV guide and have for as long as I can remember. In fact, I remember going to the grocery store with my mom as a kid and getting excited each week on the day that the TV Guide came out. I always worked the crosswords (sha na na is ALWAYS an answer) and always looked forward to the issue about the new shows so I could plan out my viewing schedule. Now, that has changed somewhat since I now have 2 Tivos, both with dual tuners, so I can in fact record FOUR shows at once! Anyway, in a few days I'll do a post on the shows I'm planning on trying out.

Last year I bought a 4 year subscription on ebay for $4! Isn't that crazy? That transaction combined my two biggest loves, bargains and TV, and made me so giddy!

Yes, I know no one else reads TV Guide (besides my mom), but I really don't care! I am also currently enjoying a subscription to Entertainment that I got as a Christmas gift (soon to end I believe) and a sub to People that has the name of the old owner of our house on there. Now, we've owned our house for almost 8 years, so I have no idea why in March 2007 I started getting a 2 year subscription to People, but I'm not complaining!

Currently going un-read are my subs to Parents and Parenting. Sorry, Politician and Wild Child, right now I'd much rather read about the stars than about healthy snacks, new toys and games we can play together. That's OK w/ you, isn't it?

Yo-key-ah-sa

Frequently, The Politician sprinkles some Spanish in his conversation, and I am just lost. See, because it seemed so cool, I chose to take French in high school, and to be honest, I have absolutely nothing to show for it. Other than my French name was Nicole, which was so much easier to say than Sasha (Sash-uh, not Sosh-uh, in case you are wondering). But I digress.

Anyway, last night:

The Politician: Momma, can I watch Yo-key-asa (imagine a Spanish accent)?

Sasha: Hmm.... I don't think I know what that is. Did you learn that in Spanish class today?

TP: No, Momma, Yo-key-ah-sa.

Sasha: Well, like I said, Politician, I don't know what that is. We have George, The Wiggles, Tigger and Pooh... will any of those work?

TP: No, Momma, that won't work.

Suddenly, it hits me. He means Yo Gabba Gabba, and I silently curse TV Guide.

Backstory: On Saturday morning, The Wild Child, The Politician and I were sitting in the dining room eating breakfast (pancakes for them, yogurt and a Coke for me) and I was flipping through last week's TV Guide (I'm always a week or so behind). The had a little article on what they said was this new kids show involving music and cool bands on Nick or Noggin or such called Yo Gabba Gabba. I'm a sucker for a music show because I have this vision of The Politician being a drummer in a cool rock band and Mr. Sasha and I travelling around with him and me being all "I'm With the Band".

So I set my Tivo for a season pass for this darn show, and by damn, turns out it's as annoying as it's gets. And of course the kids love it. Elijah Wood is on there (???) and some DJ guy who I don't know because I avoid any Bllboard chart that has songs on it that include the word "Featuring" in the name of the artist. Sidebar: I just imdb-d him and I still don't know who he is, although Biz Markie appears to be a part of the cast.....

Anyway, stay away from this show or you'll have "Snacky snack snack snack snack, snacky snack snack snack SNACK!" in your head all day.

If I like a TV show, you can bet it will be cancelled

Veronica Mars - I totally have a girl crush on Kristen Bell, and actually on Veronica Mars the character too. Absolutely my favorite show ever. The whole noir thing was cool, and the Logan angst took me back to 1992.

The Class - Normally Mr. Sasha and I are not into 30 minute sitcoms. We've liked Andrea Anders since she was on Joey, so when we heard she was on this one, we gave it a try- and loved it!

What About Brian- I love me some Barry Watson. Especially after The Haircut. Such a great show that Mr. Sasha and I watched together- he actually discovered this one. Witty sarcasm is what made this show great and we loved the whole Dave-Deena thing. It was like The OC for grown-ups.
Alias - What can I say? I know, I know, this show totally jumped the shark when Nadia was revealed to be Syd's sister, but before that? Best show on TV. Kept me on TWOP often. I was all about the spoilers, and the whole Rambaldi thing, and SD-6.... Good stuff.

Just in case I do have some readers

Go here and vote for entrant 47860. See Ashley's Closet for all the sordid details- but basically there was some major BBC drama (what else is new) and now we all need to vote for the Little Kid to win- I think the contest is over tomorrow, so vote today!

Ebates double bonus offer

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This is just terrible

Damn M&Ms just came out with a new flavor. RaZZberry. Damn them. They are spectacular. Consider yourself warned. This is almost as bad as Candy Cane Kisses.

Side-effects of being a mom

So pretty often The Politician says something so fraking hilarious, I think, "I'll have to write about this on my blog! He is just as funny as The Big Kid!"

Night before last, Mr. Sasha and I choked at the dinner table because we were trying to hard not to laugh in his face.

But here's the thing- I totally forgot what he said. Can't even remotely remember what the situation was. And I've done that probably 5 times in the last week. This kid should be on Letterman, and I'm serious, but because I am barely keeping it all together, I can't recap the moment for you.

Here's one funny thing I can remember, because it happens each time we have pasta with red sauce, which is once a week or so because The Politician is the Carbohydrate Kid. Anytime, and I mean anytime, we have pasta with red sauce, The Politician strips off his shirt before coming to the table. Without prompting. Long ago, I got sick of doing laundry and all the steps it takes to remove stains, so I started taking his shirt off when we were having anything stain-ish, in an effort to save myself some time. I am now wondering if this is going to be a bad habit to break and if he is going to striping off his shirt when he goes to his girlfriend's house for dinner the first time in 2019.

So maybe the other stories will come back to me, but there are no promises. Because I will probably forget that I forgot.

Notes from School

So The Politician came home from school with this note yesterday:

"The Policitican continues to do well. He is having trouble about inside and outside play. We will work on that." (Note that this is word for word.)

So I ask the teacher who is on duty when I pick him up, and she had no idea what this means, because it was written by the lead teacher, who leaves at nap time, and they didn't talk about this before she left.

OK, so I'm left to dissect this on my own. First you tell me he is doing well. Then you tell me he is having trouble pretty much all day (inside AND outside). So which is it, doing well or having trouble??????? I am quite bothered by this, and actually lose a little bit of sleep over this, and since I suffer from insomnia (damn melatonin is NOT working), sleep is a precious commodity that I am not willing to part with.

So I take the opportunity this AM to ask the lead teacher exactly what she meant, and it turns out he is having trouble keeping his inside play and outside play activities separate. He is evidentally using his outside voice inside, running inside, climing on furniture, etc.

Doesn't sound like a big deal to me. Sounds like a 4 year old boy........

My sense of smell must be hereditary

I must tell you that I have a crazy sense of smell.

I can't wear perfume or strongly scented lotion because smelling the same smell for any length of time makes me sick at my stomach.

I am also very sensitive to food smells- for instance I have forbidden Mr. Sasha from ever again cooking in my kitchen anything that swims. He cooked some salmon last year that I could smell for 2 weeks every time I walked in the house. I also can't throw away any food wrappings in my office trashcan at work because again, smelling popcorn for 4 hours will make me gag, so I have to cart all my food-related trash to the breakroom trashcan.

Anyway, the night we got back from Boston it was really late and the kids were asleep. The next morning The Politician came into our bedroom and crawled in bed between us. He sleepily said "Momma, you smell like Boston."

WTH? What does Boston smell like?

And just the other day, I got in bed with him for a bit to snuggle before he went to sleep, and he said "Momma, you smell like Mimi."

So I smell 58? Must have been my skincare routine. Time for some new moisturizer.

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Sasha

So who am I, and what's this all about?

It's funny- I got into blog reading a few months ago, but I just noticed that most of the blogs I am reading belong to stay at home moms. Which is fine and I truly enjoy reading them, but I haven't seen many (any?) blogs written by moms like me.

Moms that work full-time outside of the home, and have so much going on that some days they feel like it's all going to crashing down on them at any moment. Moms who just can't get ahead of the game and have a constant running to do list because oh my gosh, we are ALWAYS running out of something! Moms that forget to take clean blankets to school on Mondays, forget to give $1 for the pizza party to the teacher, forget to pick up the cleaning, forget to buy an anniversary card, forget to gas up......

Moms that haven't printed out pictures in six months, haven't even touched the baby book for baby #2 who is now 19 months old, didn't write down the days all those teeth popped out, and didn't even know the answer when the nurse asked yesterday at The Politician's 4 year old check-up if he could draw a person with three body parts.

You get the picture. So I'll represent all the moms who are trying to do it all, but really only getting about half of it done..... Cause I can't be the only one of us out there.

So that's the background, and where the title came from. Cause that's me, Barely Keeping It All Together. (and sashasays was already taken.....)

4 years ago today.....

I was 36 weeks pregnant and delivering my first child. My water had broken the night before, just minutes after crawling in bed and telling Mr. Sasha, "I am SO tired of being pregnant." Seriously, just minutes after I uttered that phrase, I felt a POP and realized my water broke.

Of course, I had not packed a bag. So I sat on the toilet and told Mr. Sasha what to pack, and of course we forgot a million things that he had to make several trips home for over the next few days.

Honestly, I don't remember much of those first few days of The Politician's life. His first APGAR was only a 3 and he had a little trouble with the whole suck/swallow/breathe thing and actually stopped breathing right after he was born. So he spent some time in the NICU.

Luckily, this is a happy-ending story where I tell you that we were able to take him home when I checked out two days later.

The Politician has grown to be such a joy- he's funny, sometimes very serious and says some hilarious stuff (he showed the ped today where his esophagus was), and boy can he work the room. You can just see his wheels turning, although he has not yet learned the art of asking parent #2 the same question out of earshot of parent #1 in an effort to get his preferred response. I know that I'll blink and he'll be in high school......

Someone should have asked ME before they discontinued.....

Origins Bite Your Lips in Just Bitten Raspberry - My mainstay lipstick for quite a while. I loved it because it was MLBB (My Lips But Better - tm Makeup Alley) and it didn't run into the little lines around my mouth. When they discontinued it, I found.......

Delux Tintstick in Dot - which is also now discontinued! I found three tubes at Ulta a few months ago for $3 each rather than the normal $14, so I snatched them up. I don't know what I'll do when they are gone. Ebay, I suppose.

C2 - The half-sugar version of Coke. This tasted so close to the flavor of the full-sugar version, you didn't even miss those 70 or so calories. Stupid local Coca-Cola bottlers.... if you'll make at least one 12 pack per week, Mr. and Sasha and I will buy it!

OPI Chile O Caliente nail polish - The best color ever, and now I have to resort to buying it on ebay. I've been exclusively wearing this on my toes for a few years now, and have no idea what I will do when the supply on ebay is exhausted.

Clinique Shadow liner in a brown shade - I can't remember the exact name, but it was so nice and went on so smooth and blended so well.

Seriously, these are all awesome products, and what the hell happened??????? I am every marketer's dream, as I buy all new products just once, just to try them out. But when I find something I repeat buy, that's a big thing. So if any of my non-readers have any of this lying around, email me and we can work something out!

30 things about me

1. I have an irrational fear of those moving circular door things (revolving doors???)- can't use them
2. I am a cat person
3. I do not like dogs, except LaVerne the golden retreiver
4. I am not a fan of flowers being sent to me, I am way too thrifty
5. However, I always carry Coach purses, because I figure my general thriftness balances out with my luxury items I can't live without
6. I have to take my showers in the morning- I totally don't mind going to bed dirty
7. I must have a canned Coke (full sugar version) to drink while I am getting ready in the AM- it's my coffee
8. I don't eat anything green unless it contains sugar (green jello, green candy, etc)
9. In fact, I don't eat any veggies except potatoes
10. I could subsist on Skittles and Starburst
11. My two baby toes are quite big because I have broken both of them, both times while drunk
12. I can't drink wine because I get way drunk way fast and my face turns beet red after one sip
13. However, I can drink me some beer
14. I have a masters degree and am a CPA
15. I am an only child
16. So I made sure I did not have an only child because it is way too lonely growing up
17. My dad is adopted
18. I met Mr. Sasha first semester of my freshman year in college
19. I was in a sorority, and served as VP my junior year
20. I can tap dance
21. I cannot do a cartwheel because I can't get that last hand off the ground
22. I tend to get semi-obsessed with weight and most likely had an eating disorder in high school
23. I am 5'2"
24. My all-time favorite TV show is Friends
25. I love reality TV
26. I speed read and never actually read all the words- usually just the first and last sentence of each paragraph
27. I freak out a little on Sunday afternoons after I read the Target, CVS and Walgreens circulars because I am overwhelmed by the deals I must take advantage of
28. I most often spend my lunch hour running errands rather than relaxing
29. I long for pretty straight hair that looks fashionable
30. Really, I just wish I was a little bit cool

Future lawyer?

The Politician is already a master negotiator, a much-needed trait of all politicians and also lawyers! I was on the debate team in high school (it was actually pretty cool, don't laugh) so he must get his skills from me.

The Scene: Friend's 4th Birthday party a local farm. In the petting zoo area. All is quiet as the kids stand around the employee for instructions.

Farm employee: "OK, I'll need everyone to wash their hands before they touch the animals."

The Politician: "Yeah, I won't be needing to wash my hands-- I won't be touching the animals."

All the parents in the room absolutely died laughing. I will add that he did wash his hands, and did end up touching a big fat bunny.

Can't Live Without

After reading Ashley's Closet this morning, I'm inspired to note my favorite things too. (Note that I have a million other things to do, being the first of the month and all and me being an accountant and all, but this looks much more fun!)



St. Ives Healthy Brilliance Renew & Glow- the best gradual tanner I've found. I absolutely love this stuff. Perfect color for me, low odor, and feels great! I first heard about this on beauty addict when she did her Fake Bake Month. I'd tried several GTs in the past- Jergens made me Oompah-Loompah-ish, and Dove absolutely smelled terrible from the get-go and made my legs streaky. But St. Ives..... love it! I haven't been able to do much sunning since the birth of my two kids, and I absolutely hate having white legs, so this is a nice compromise.



Now, when I am in the sun (when the hell is that?), I just can't use the same SPF 30 that DH uses on himself and the kids. It's good in theory, but even SPF 8 completely blocks all rays for me, and I look like I haven't even stepped outside in 10 years. So I have used Hawiian Tropic Dark Tanning Lotion SPF 4 (third from the left) for absolutely forever. I figure I'm still protecting my skin from a burn, but getting a little color so I look alive. I noticed that Monogram Momma said this is also her potion of choice. I knew I was a little bit cool.



Orville Redenbacher's Smart Pop Kettle Korn Mini Bags These are way too good. Satisfies my sweet tooth, but I don't have to waste too many WW points. (Who am I kidding, I usually stop counting mid-day.....)


My Honda Odyssey. I don't know how in the hell I crammed two kids in Britax seats in the back of an Accord for so long. The Odyssey was the best purchase we have ever made. Now, we don't have the beautiful new model shown above, but at just a few years old, ours is still nice, and the room is beyond words. I did tell Mr. Sasha that he never had to worry about me getting hit on ever again (I don't know that he worried about that anyway....) because it is so obvious that I have kids- but I don't give a damn. My minivan rocks.
Works calls.... but I'll try to add some more later.

I'm a Bad Mommy

So I lost The Wild Child at McDonald's a few Saturdays ago. I'm just now ready to talk about it. I did tell Mr. Sasha a few days later, but I'm not sure he understood the severity of the situation because if he did, he might have taken the kids and left me. Really. This is the guy who spends 45 minutes installing a car seat. A Britax. With LATCH. That should take 5 minutes, people, so that tells you the amount of time/energy he puts in to taking care of his children.

Anyway, our closest Mickey D's was just totally rebuilt, and we've been promising The Politician that we would go play soon. One Saturday Mr. Sasha was golfing, and it was (of course) raining and I had cabin fever, so I loaded up the kiddos and to Mickey D's we went. It was about 11:15, so the playroom wasn't too busy yet. We ate (actually The Wild Child and I ate and The Politician drank some hot mustard) and I let the kids loose to play. The Politician went to town in the big climbing part, and The Wild Child found the small play area on the ground for the wee ones.

A little later, I noticed the playroom getting busy, and realized I'd left all our food/bags etc on the table where we ate and there were lots of people looking for tables. I told a nice-looking young family that I'd clean our table off for them. I had one eye on The Wild Child while I did this- turned my back for ONE SECOND to pick up her backpack, turned around, and SHE WAS GONE. Seriously, GONE.

Let me back up and tell you I have the cutest little girl you've ever seen. She should be modeling (don't all moms think that???). I could so see someone snatching her up because she is absolutely precious- and so friendly. So that's all I could think- she's been STOLEN.

I immediately went towards the door that goes back into the restaurant, realizing that THERE IS NO DOOR THERE, it's just a walkway!!!!!! Kids can escape out of this place! (I'm thinking of calling the manager, but that's another post.)

So I dash into the restaurant, where there are a million people, and don't immediately see her. My heart is beating fast and I'm about to shout "AMBER ALERT!!!!", but for some reason I don't. All of the sudden, I totally see myself on the news, pleading with the general public to return my daughter to me, because she's on medication!!!! She must have it!!! Now, they don't need to know it's just reflux meds, let them think it's life sustaining!

I dash back in the playplace, because, good God, I've left The Politician in there somewhere! Now both my adorable kids are going to be snatched! I find the nice-looking girl I gave my table to, grab her arm, and tell her "You've got to help me find my daughter- in a brown shirt!!!!" I'm frantically dashing around, and she finds her, back in the little kids play area in the corner out of view.

I swear I felt sick for the rest of the day. I obviously have no business managing two kids in public......